Deciding to be Happy

My sisters say I'm already happy. But according to them, I just get reminded sometimes that i should be sad, so turn sullen all of a sudden. My friends say I look happy too. Thay say I just refuse to believe it and i keep insisting i should be unhappy still. They say all in due time, but it's still ultimately my choice, my decision, when to say enough is enough and just get back on the saddle agn. But i like my pain, its a comfort zone of sorts. Being with someone right now can't give me that sense of refuge and security. I just give in..for their sake, coz at least one of us is happy and in love, right? -2/22/07