Family Home

The Family Home

For twenty-five years or so, it was what I called “home” - the place where I grew up with my siblings, the place I returned to after college and dormitory life in UP Los Banos. It holds bittersweet memories of the past. And perhaps, as anyone talking about her ancestral house or hometown can get, I get a bit nostalgic writing about my childhood home. Maybe partly because of the controversy and family quarrels that were connected with the property that I rarely speak about it now. Still, many of my memories took place in that residence located at the dead end of a main road.

The Yard and Driveway

A good 400 square meters, it was a considerably large piece of real estate. There was an open frontage and a covered garage which could accommodate several cars of guests and relatives whenever we have a party. Remnants of an old basketball goal still hung on one fence-wall, reminiscent of a time when my uncles and cousins would even play basketball in the front lawn. Later on, in the early eighties, the yard became quite a storage area for my architect brother’s Vigan tiles business.

Given the large space, my Mom even had the luxury of a small garden once - complete with Bermuda grass, a few ornamentals like daisies, santan and sampaguita plants plus a small pine tree. But it was difficult to have decent landscaping though, with dogs and children always running around. There was a time when kalamansi and tomato plants were also cultivated in the garden. But these suffered the same fate as the flowers, since we kids always ended up picking at the fruits long before they were ever ripe enough.

I was told that in the late 60s, when my parents and older siblings first moved in, the front was merely dirt so that everytime it rained hard and it would flood, it got pretty muddy. Having too much dirt around also made it too dusty in the summer and was hell for our pet dogs whose ticks and fleas seemed to thrive in the dirt. After my Mom’s initial fascination with gardening, my Dad had the area cemented and it was by far the best decision they made. Besides making for better parking, my cousins and I could now ride our bikes, rollerskates and skateboards on the extended driveway. We got to play badminton, dodgeball and volleyball because the frontage was big enough to serve as a mini-court. Occasionally, we played piko, agawan-base, patintero (or its variation “running-on-the-line”) along the segmented lines which were actually mini-canals for rainwater run-offs. And no, taguan was not played much because the wide, open playing ground did not have proper hiding places for us except when there were parked cars.

The Main House

We actually lived in a “family compound” and my cousins and I grew up much like the Kennedys at Hyannis Port. My family and I lived in the main house at the front, while my other relatives occupied the three apartment doors and the expanded driver’s quarters at the rear. There were seven kids in my family and when an uncle moved out of one of the apartments, my two older brothers moved into it. My parents extended the house to get a bigger master’s bedroom with the adjoining room serving as a nursery for us three youngest kids. My two older sisters stayed in the other bedroom right above the living room, while the maids got the one with a dressing room opening to the upstairs bathroom. I believe this large room was originally intended as the master’s bedroom by my engineer uncle who designed the house. Since he and his wife only had one child, they probably never had a need for extensions of other rooms.

Another reason for the constant renovations was because my Dad really needed a workspace. He established an airconditioned law office beside our library cum study area. For a while, this served as a dress shop when my Mom had a small tailoring business. Eventually, that downstairs room had more use for our numerous books. Wall-to-wall bookshelves contained my father’s law books and legal journals, four sets of encyclopedia – two for general knowledge, one on basic science, and an actual medical encyclopedia. Schoolbooks ranging from high school biology, literature, and algebra to college textbooks on accounting, engineering, and nursing abound. There were also books on Gregg’s stenography, Spanish language books, and the Life and Works of Jose Rizal, as well as other Filipiniana materials. For leisure reading, there were classic hardbound books for the youth, “Little Women” by Louisa May Alcott, “Robinson Crusoe”, “Swiss Family Robinson”, several Nancy Drew and Bobsie Twins volumes, the original “Little Black Sambo”, an O’Henry short story collection, as well as an anthology on Greek Mythology. One summer, after my younger sister and I finished running through all the John and Mary, and Ramon and Nena elementary reading textbooks, I started flipping through the encyclopedia. That earned me advance study points when regular classes started since I was already familiar with world history, geography and English literature.

Since Dad’s office was the only room with an airconditioner, it was also the place they held mini-movie showings for the adults during parties. This was way before the era of Betamax or VHS. An uncle with an 8mm film projector would play scenes of Vivian Velez dancing seductively for a veteran politician from the North. How do I know this? It was because my cousins would carry me on their shoulders so that I could peep over the windows and tell them what the oldies were watching. Many a time were we caught and I was left dangling on the window sill as my cousins all scampered away, leaving me to my doom.

Meanwhile, the centerpiece of our living room area was the original German-made Weinstein piano where almost all of us kids “served time” at some point or another. Not even the boys were spared, since my brothers were also forced to take piano lessons in their younger years. However, it was somehow expected that the females would continue taking lessons and playing until way into their high school days. Like all kids, I detested these compulsory practice sessions and weekly lessons with grumpy piano teachers. Only later would I appreciate the advantage of knowing how to play at least one musical instrument in my lifetime.

Fishpond

Another feature of our home I fondly remember was our fishpond. It was quite special for having been both an outdoor and an indoor facet. It can be seen from our garage, but is part of our living room design as well. It had a connecting tunnel and pipes which my Dad would open so that the flowing waters would make for a miniature waterfall every time we had parties.

This was before kois and carps became the trend in pet-keeping, so my Mom kept some catfish in the pond instead. In my tender age, I considered these catfish as pets and even got mad at Manong Butch’s Beta Kappa frat brothers for puking into the pond when they got very drunk, thus killing all the poor catfish by alcoholic muck. I didn’t realize until later that my Mom would harvest her catfish once in a while whenever the family had a craving for grilled catfish.

That fishpond was the scene of many a childhood accident, too. Although its circumference was quite narrow, it was 3 ft. deep and quite dangerous for unattended toddlers. A few cousins actually fell in and got rescued a couple of times. My Dad came out of his office one day to discover Manong Vincent’s young feet waving in the air while half his body was under water. An aunt also had the misfortune of falling in herself after trying to save my younger cousin. Occasionally, a maid would somehow fall in as well - how or why is still a wonder to us even now.

My parents eventually decided the fishpond was too much of an attractive nuisance and had in filled in sometime in the late 70s. It then became a sandbox of sorts for us kids, where we can sit around in a circle and play with our miniature action figures, Matchbox cars or other beach paraphernalia. In the 80s, my Mom and our maids would fill up the pond with potted plants, including its cracks and crevices, and make it like a rock garden of sorts.

Parties

Suffice it to say that I greatly appreciated the extra space that we had whenever we had parties. I remember there were quite a lot in those days because my family loved entertaining guests. There would be the annual clan reunions with my Dad’s side, and with his 10 other siblings and their respective children, plus his cousins from my grandmother’s own siblings, our place was always filled to the brim. These occasions were opportunities to show off one’s culinary skills, and each family was required to bring a favored dish as potluck. Specialties would include molo soup, embotido, kare-kare, kilawin or kalderetang kambing, and pork barbeque. These family gatherings would start at lunch and finish after dinner. In between, there would be at least two mahjong tables set up, some drinking, and kids running about or playing.

My parents were also members of the Lions’ Club, and when both of them were officers, club meetings would also be regularly held at our house. A spillover from this social connection would be the fact that my older sisters became members of the “Leos”, along with the children of fellow Lions and Lionesses. Thus, Ate Annette and Ate Marie would get together at home with the Santillan sisters (Sonia, Alma, and Mercy) and the Cruz brothers (Dennis and Bobot). And with Manong Butch as president of his college fraternity, his frat brothers would also drop by on occasion. And this being the era of “martial law” and “the curfew”, not a few of them would crash at our place when caught at the late hour. I especially remember that one guy named Minel with a curly Afro and motorcycle.

These teenage parties would continue until Giselle and I were also in college, and our Upsilonian brods and Sigma Deltan sisses would be our regular guests. These friends would mostly be from the South, if not from Laguna itself, and quite a few overnight parties were held in our time.

The White Lady

I have to be honest with you – my childhood home also had a resident ghost. Even while the whole compound was still under construction, carpenters were said to have seen a white lady in the grounds. She was usually seen traversing our long driveway up to the gate. One time my grandfather who often lounged in his butaka at the rear of the compound, thought it was my Mom leaving the house in her nightgown and got mad thinking she left us young kids all alone in the house. But peering inside the main house through the screen door, he discovered my Mom quietly having dinner with us and our yayas.

Our security guard and drivers were also known to have sightings of a shadowy figure with long hair and a long, flowing dress. A young Manong Richie was playing with his toy cars one afternoon when he ran screaming about a lady that suddenly appeared in front of him. I, myself, would have an encounter of my own, when one early summer evening when I was riding my bicycle I saw a silhouette of a long-haired woman facing me as my bike moved towards her. I blinked several times as the wheels kept bringing me closer to the dark figure, seconds seemed like minutes, until she disappeared just as I screeched to a halt. I fell from my bike, left it there and ran for my sisters and cousin who were in the garage. They saw my stricken face and asked what was wrong, but I couldn’t speak until I reached the front door and shrieked that I had seen a ghost.

Was the White Lady ever seen inside? Well, yes; my aunt (the same one who fell into the fishpond) once saw a dark figure sitting on their bed as she made my infant cousin some milk. Members of my grandmother’s household reported seeing the tail-end of a white, billowy nightgown going up their stairs. Years later, a tenant who rented an apartment door after some relatives had moved out of the compound, saw a smoky figure of a lady move from their toilet and up their stairs.

Floods

Let me just say that the rainy season played quite a significant role in my childhood home. Besides located at a dead-end, our property ran the length of a small creek on the side and which over the years became increasingly populated by urban poor/informal settlers or what we then called “squatters”. Heavy rains and typhoons meant regular floods which plagued us for years. Ate Annette told me, they use to ride salbabidas or tire interiors which serve as lifesavers and play in the floods when they were kids. Of course, the waters then were just muddy and not as dirty with assorted garbage and human waste as they became during my time.

Those annual floods became a great equalizer between us and our not-so-well-off neighbors. As soon as the creek level rose from the water run-offs all the way from Marikina, we all scampered to save our worldly possessions from damage. There were times when we heard of people getting swept away and drowning.

But so far, the worse my family ever experienced was a fence wall falling in during a strong typhoon. The sudden surge of high water almost swept away an uncle and some of our maids trying to help out another uncle’s family cope with the rains. The artificial wave caused by the crashing wall rushed into our house, breaking our glass windows. Since the waters came up so high, we were not able save some of our things from getting waterlogged. As such, the greatest damage came from our library cum study hall, and my Dad’s office. We spent days drying out the various books and encyclopedia which were worth saving.

Every year, we learned to open our gates just in time to move our cars to higher ground. That meant parking them a few feet away on an elevated portion of the street as our dead-end area became a swirling body of creek water. Of course, opening the gates meant some of our stuff floated out unto the street because they can’t be tied down. These included my Dad’s favorite driftwood couch, his liquor bar, and my older siblings’ ping-pong table. Each time, we retrieved these things one by one as honest neighbors pointed them out. But one year, our ping-pong table mysteriously never reappeared. We figured it probably served as a new wall for one of our less-privileged neighbors’ homes.

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Today, my childhood home has given way to both progress and penury. Around it still teem “informal settlers”, but a bridge that would connect Kamias to Cubao in just seconds has been built in the recent years. And while some relatives still reside in the compound, the main house has since been vacated by my immediate family. In its advanced state of dilapidation, it should already be condemned, but my other relatives have strangely decided to “sit on it” after many years of legal battles. During the last great flood which was Ondoy, the creek waters rose to such dangerous levels that reached the second floor windows of the compound. I heard many make-shift houses there were in actual danger of being swept away too. I was told our old fence wall is also said to be teetering on its foundations.

Hence, all that is left now are childhood memories of a once grand place. Drive by once, and see the old house under the bridge. It is said a white lady peeks out from behind one of the windows of the main house.

That Controversial RA 9994

During the press conference at the signing of the Implementing Rules and Regulations of RA 9994, Congressman Zialcita revealed that his inspiration for filing all these laws benefiting senior citizens was his own lola, who raised him and cared for him when he was younger.

For me, my friends would say it is quite understandable to be working for another marginalized sector like the elderly since I seem to have a penchant for supporting "underdogs" ever since. My passion for the law was fueled, and sustained, by my volunteer work with women, children, and sexual minorities. When I moved to the DSWD's Policy Development and Planning Bureau, it was no surprise I easily adapted to working on elderly concerns and issues of People with Disabilities (PWDs).

But like Rep. Zialcita, I too have a more personal reason for advocating senior citizens rights. My own mother is a senior citizen; still gracious at 70-something years. She takes advantage of her senior citizen's discount privilege regularly and reports to me "violators" of the law. I had a better appreciation of the gaps and problems in the implementation through her own experiences with various businesses. She was my inspiration for drafting a better and more comprehensive IRR that would clarify everything for senior citizens and private establishments alike.

When I first started as a focal person for senior citizens in 2007, I was getting it from all sides - angry lolos and lolas and complaining corporations who were tired of all the vagueness and ambiguity of the law. Meanwhile, most government agencies tasked with the senior citizens law's implementation were at a lost too and clueless about their respective responsibilities. It took a lot of special meetings and dialogues, several NCBM resolutions, and an amendment to the law itself to settle things once and for all.

But with the new law came "new" provisions as well - expanded benefits and additional privileges for our Filipino elderly. It also required a unique talent for balancing the interest of all concerned. By carefully bringing together the private sector, government agencies and senior citizens themselves, they began to understand each other better and even agreed for compromises to happen.

Behind it all, I never lost perspective on what is meant to be achieved by this law and its rules. I think about my mom and her concerns, and everything is contextualized for me again. I always say government work is a thankless job, but I hope we made some senior citizens happy somehow...especially my own mother.

Out of the Country: My 1st Trip Abroad

My first trip abroad was an advance graduation gift from my parents in 1990. My cousin, Edlyn and I were sent to enjoy Hong Kong and Bangkok with her Abaya cousins and Tita Azon as official chaperone.

Besides learning about passports and traveler’s cheques, I became acquainted with immigration and customs procedures as well as basic airline etiquette. Mama accompanied me to DFA at Roxas Blvd. to apply for my first passport and then to Cocobank to get some traveler’s cheques. But she wasn’t there anymore as I learned how to operate the airline foldable table for meals, or the aircraft lavatory’s sliding door. The seatbelt was easy enough because it wasn’t my first time on a plane after all, having flown to Bacolod before with Ate Marie to meet her future in-laws. When the stewardess handed us some earphones, I also figured out where to plug it for some music. On the other hand, Edlyn complained that her earphones didn’t work, until I saw that they weren’t plugged in yet.

Immigration and customs are always such a hassle. You need to bring out your passport to check if the data you’re putting are correct. The same goes for your flight details – airline and flight number, country of origin and airport of destination. You have to be so careful with the information you put in, or risk further hassle at the immigration counter.

This became evident when after a day trip to Macau, Schenzen and Guangzhou, Edlyn and I were stopped at the Hong Kong immigration counter and detained for some intensive interviews. There was possibly two reasons for this: one, because this was right after the 1989 Tiananmen Square massacre and Chinese authorities were on a look-out for students who were all trying to escape to HK; and two, because the beginnings of human trafficking of Filipinas was fast gaining ground. Although I doubt it that doting, conservative Tita Azon would ever be mistaken for a Mama-San.

To prove my point, once we got to Bangkok, that city known for its skin trade, Tita Azon promptly complained about the location of our hotel as being in the red light district. Heck, we were on a budget tour, you can’t really complain much about accommodations, but complain she did. She even asked her only son in Manila to badger the family travel agent to move us to different lodgings. Not getting what she wanted, she would proceed to rant and rave about our “unacceptable” lodgings.

After our dinner at the hotel, the waiter politely asked if we liked our meal. She blurted out, “No, it wasn’t good. I cannot eat it.” Embarrassed, the waiter asked again, “Was it too spicy for you?” But she was already walking away and shaking her head, clearly a discontented customer. When we got to the elevators, we found that one of them was under repair, and only one was functioning. Looking down at the dark and dangerous shaft, she expressed panic again, saying “Ano ba naman ito, papatayin tayo dito!”

But that wasn’t all I remembered about that trip. South East Asian tours are generally associated with shopping sprees, and shop we did. While bargaining for a lower price is allowed, once you touch the item and bargain for it, be sure you will buy it or the vendor will get very mad at you. In Macau, the sales clerk was so incensed with Tita Azon’s “negotiations”. Our Chinese-Portuguese tour guide intervened and said, “These are Filipinos, you HAVE to let them bargain…” In Hong Kong’s Mongkok district, I made the mistake of bargaining for an early edition Walkman and then changed my mind about purchasing it. The Chinese guy was so mad at me for wasting his time and blurted out a bunch of Cantonese words which I presume would be foul and blasphemous on my account.

One other thing I learned about traveling abroad is one begins to appreciate what she takes for granted in her own homeland. My first concern is always about food and knowing where to eat. In HK, the real Chinese restaurants were so expensive and the menus were all in Chinese you can’t decipher them. So we ended up eating at all the possible McDonald’s branches in Kowloon and Hong Kong Island for our meals. In Bangkok, we were also at a lost half the time at the incomprehensible offerings in the menu, but at least they had pictures so we just pointed at what we wanted to eat.

That’s another thing – language. In Hong Kong, the non-English speaking Chinese were so rude up to the point of shooing us out of their stores so they won’t have to deal with us. In Thailand, while more often than not the Thai people we encountered didn’t speak a word of English, they simply smile when we come to a communication impasse. So that’s something to remember: just because we Filipinos speak perfect, American-twanged English, it doesn’t mean we’ll be understood everywhere else in the world. Better get over that Americanized-ego of yours and learn some basic terms for your country of destination.

Finally, we forgot that something as culturally-imbedded as the exercise of religion could be so complicated once you’re abroad. To Tita Azon’s chagrin, Catholic churches are not at every block or street corner in Hong Kong unlike in the Philippines. We had to ask around whether there was a parish somewhere in either HK Island, Kowloon or Aberdeen where we could hear Sunday mass. We did find one; a very small Catholic chapel where most of the church-goers were also Filipinos, mostly overseas workers.

All in all, I had fun with that first trip abroad. In HK, we got to go to Victoria’s Peak, rubbed that Buddha’s tummy, saw the Ocean Park aquarium and rode the Crazy Galleon and ‘The Dragon” roller coaster. In Macau, we saw the contrast and combination of Chinese and Portuguese culture and bought jade for luck. Guangzhou and Schenzen were just like any rustic Asian countryside, even with the real 12-course Chinese meal and authentic Chinese beer we had at its popular tourist restaurant. While Bangkok is best remembered for its shopping opportunities, I liked our tour of the Rose Garden where the orchid exhibits and the elephant show were the highlights of the visit. (I found some of their native dances appeared too similar to our own Philippine “tinikling”). Thus, from that time on, every trip abroad is simply a reminder of what I miss about the Philippines - because there really is no place like home.

Stories of AngLadlad

From the very beginning, the idea of AngLadlad as a representative of the Filipino LGBT Community was a controversial one. Even when it was first conceptualized by Danton as “Lunduyan”, there was some feedback that certain members of the LGBT Advocacy Movement did not support it. Ironic that they didn’t seem keen on an LGBT Party List back then, even when LGBT activists already realized the importance of legislative advocacy and lobbying as a tool for promoting LGBT rights.

In fairness to Danton, he consulted the LGBT Community several times and offered them this opportunity for greater political participation. He went to the organized LGBT groups whose members were also veteran NGO workers in their own right, and had sufficient experience working for marginalized sectors. However, most of them were already affiliated with other political parties or party lists. This, we did not begrudge them of course, since for some, this political connection was also their source of livelihood.

Lunduyan’s Constitution was revised exhaustively prior to its being finalized. It was the basis for the organizational structure and composition of the different committees and designated officers, as well as the organization’s future platform. Upon being told that “Lunduyan” was being confused with a child rights’ NGO and does not really “sound” LGBT, Danton asked us for a term that would have better “recall”.

It was at a party at Malu’s place that I pointed out to him, “Danton, you are best known for your books…the Ladlad series. That word clearly identifies as LGBT.” “But that starts with “L”, Danton replied. “We would be listed further down the ballot that people won’t see us. It should start with an “A”, he insisted. I answered, “So put “Ang” before Ladlad, so it is more empowering. It will sound like we are claiming the right “to unfurl” ourselves as the Filipino LGBT Community.” “Oo nga, ano,” Danton said. I didn’t realize then that he would take me so seriously, just as I didn’t think Malu and the rest of LEAP would consider my suggestion to call our community/social support group as “LEAPunan” before.

From then on, Danton and the rest of the gang, Bemz included, proceeded to get the organization registered with the SEC. It’s first national convention in 2006 in anticipation of the 2007 elections, was held in UP Diliman and was well-attended by LGBT advocates albeit the very limited funds. While Angie labored over our petition for partylist accreditation, we didn’t expect the outright denial the COMELEC would give us on the basis of some technicality – that we failed to prove national membership or enough regional representation. (In truth, this was because we refused and failed to give the amount which was required of us of some powers that be.)

Yet we took this in stride, waited for another three years and proceeded to do some groundwork at the provincial level. We contacted old friends in the LGBT network and reconnected with them. We sought the new and emerging LGBT groups around the country to help us build chapters. Through it all, some people left us while others joined in. It was fortunate that for those who remained steadfast in their beliefs, they continued to be the true “anchors” of AngLadlad.

For me, the vision is very clear. AngLadlad sought partylist accreditation to get recognition that the Filipino LGBT Community is a marginalized sector deserving of better political participation. AngLadlad seeks to represent the Filipino LGBTs in Congress because it realizes the significance of having one’s own voice in political arena, because only then can we influence laws and policies that will affect us. AngLadlad knows that this is an opportunity for the LGBT Advocacy Movement for promoting LGBT rights and achieving the equality and respect we have yearned for so long already.

I can only hope that other Filipino LGBTs see these reasons as clearly as we do.

A Few Disclaimers

In the midst of the controversies surrounding AngLadlad, a few categorical statements were required of us as a way of clarifying issues. While I personally think it is unnecessary since I believe a truly intelligent person would know the difference, we acquiesced to some friends’ requests and told them what they needed to hear.

The first issue concerns questions about AngLadlad’s leadership. A few of our supporters and friends were getting confused with personalities and what the organization stands for. So we explained to them the history of AngLadlad and the necessary processes we had to go through. We also had to reassure everyone that AngLadlad is in very capable hands.As such, I took exception to some criticisms being lodged against us and the decisions that were made. I have always emphasized that we never lost track of the bigger picture and that is to look out for the interest of the LGBT Community.

Others pointed out to speculations about our political affiliations. So while we are thankful for all the support we have been getting for our LGBT causes, we had to clarify that we are not in any way connected with any partylist, politician or political group, unlike some “bogus” partylists who will now be representatives in Congress. We have been judged as “left-leaning”, “right-leaning” and being “too moderate” at some point. Be that as it may, AngLadlad is not as naïve as some people may think. It’s loyalty remains with the Filipino LGBT Community.

Some were also mistakenly affiliated with AngLadlad or were inadvertently invited to vote for AngLadlad in the last elections. For this, we apologize if this caused some inconvenience for some LGBT groups or individuals. We respect your choice for not helping out, but rest assured that we shall continue fighting for every Filipino LGBTs’ rights whether you support us or not.

Finally, we would like to disavow the notion that AngLadlad only pushes for the “gay agenda”, that lesbians are “mere passengers being taken for a ride and just being used”, and that we do not carry the transgenders’ concerns. Note that the chosen nominees were representative of the different LGBT “sectors”, and AngLadlad has always stated its desire to represent the WHOLE LGBT Community and carry ALL its causes. The insinuations that it only seeks to represent gays, or that there is a “hidden” lesbian agenda, is both malicious and divisive. AngLadlad will not tolerate such misrepresentations because we need to project a unified front. We already get negative vibes from other people; it will do us no good to cultivate in-fighting amongst ourselves.

We can only hope that a few of these disclaimers produces the goodwill we sought to generate from others. Know that AngLadlad is very grateful for the friendship, the good faith and the continuing support you have shown us. Happy Pride Month to us all!

The Turning of the Tide: A Reflection on my nephew, Tudoy

This month, some of us in my family will be celebrating our respective birthdays. But the clan’s milestones are not limited to celebrations of our natal days. There is a wedding in the family that Ate Marie once again has found a reason to make her annual visit Manila. Tudoy, my oldest nephew, is getting married to his girlfriend, Hani this May 2010.

Unlike Gayle, (and probably the rest of the Titas, including ninang Edlyn) I didn’t get a chance to get emotional during the wedding proper. I was too busy being hot and uncomfortable in my new Barong, or was too caught up taking photos with Giselle’s newest high-tech camera. But going home after dropping off Ate Annette and her family last night, the long drive to Fairview made me realize the swift passing of the days.

Not long ago, Lolo Teofing’s pride and joy was his first grandson, Tudoy – the promised bearer of his great Leonin surname. For almost three years, Manong Butch himself was under so much pressure to produce the necessary “heir”. After all, he was Daddy’s only chance at propagating his lineage. Tudoy’s arrival brought great happiness, and relief, to both Grandfathers. The result, there would be a perpetual “tug-of-war” on who gets to spend quality time with the favorite grandson.

It had Daddy driving (and almost getting lost) to far-off Pasig, back when it wasn’t as densely populated as it is now. Later, Tudoy would be brought to Kamias with his yaya Salve to spend some days with us. Around this time, Manong Butch was also being sent to Vienna, Austria and Tennessee, USA to undergo some long-term training. There was even a time that both parents were away with Ate Rhoda visiting Manong Butch in the USA, and Tudoy was shuttled between his grandparents.

Yaya Salve was quite handy being around during the early years, but Tudoy wasn’t particularly difficult to care for anyway. Even when he broke both forearms playing on the monkeybars at the playground, and both arms were in casts, he wasn’t difficult to bathe or dress. Came the day when he didn’t need to have a yaya, his Titas and the platoon of maids at Kamias were enough to watch over him. But even then, he would just play with Che and the rest of the kids at the compound, tinker with some high-tech stuff and figure out our Japanese telephone with an answering service function, or simply watch TV when told to stay indoors, and lay quietly to sleep on his designated mattress in the room Giselle and I shared with him come bedtime.

On summers when the maids would be away on their respective vacations, the Titas would be left with the household chores. As our resident ward, Tudoy would also share in the duties. He would sometimes help me clean the house and feed our 12 dogs. He would have his own apron to wear in the kitchen, and help prepare the family meals. Yes, believe or not, even at a young age, Tudoy was comfortable, and safe, in the kitchen. Never did he hurt his finger cutting up vegetables. He would help stir the casserole in the pan while standing on a beer or softdrink case, and never would he have an accident. Once, after the few vacation times spent with us, he quipped, “Tita Germaine, I always learn something new around you”.

Tudoy’s growing up years was also a chronicle of our lives. He was there when Albert, Gayle’s then persistent suitor, got caught in a rainstorm while visiting Kamias. Gayle was frying some tocino for dinner when a blackout occurred. Under the light of a few candles, Gayle couldn’t see that the meat was getting overcooked. Later, as we ate the burnt tocino, Tudoy commented insightfully about Albert, “Tita Gayle, mahal ka nga talaga niya…kinakain yung tocinong niluto mo e, …kahit sunog.”

If you are also wondering where Tudoy’s presence of mind during the Ondoy floods came from, it was also because of his exposure to the annual flooding in Kamias every rainy season. And of his computer gaming skills, heck…he introduced us to the first generation computer games like “Pacman”, “Family Feud” and “Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?” back when computer monitors were green and data were stored in 5.25 floppy disks!

I would say, Gayle had every right to get teary-eyed at the ceremony and reception. She and Tudoy had a lot of bonding time after school when they were young since their buildings were quite near each other in UP Diliman - Gayle at the College of Home Economics and Tudoy at the UP Integrated School. Sometimes, they would even pick me up at the College of Law before going home to Kamias.

All these would pass too quickly, as Tudoy got accepted to Philippine Science High School and we would see less and less of him. Though once he was in college already, I would occasionally come across him at the Faculty Center or AS while I am on my way to my own MA class.

Soon after his graduation, with his new job at Shell in Batangas, the whole family came for a visit one Halloween weekend. It was just a day trip after all, but we all had a glimpse of Tudoy’s new life and his prospectively bright future.

Hani’s introduction to the rest of the family a few years later, only signaled yet another phase in Tudoy’s young life. As Hani’s now legendary waistline slowly became a perennial standard of measurement for the Titas, it was evident to us that Hani was here to stay.

Tudoy’s vows to Hani at the Church, and Roy’s very engaging toast as the Best Man at the reception, would make Lolo Teofing very proud of his grandsons had he lived to see this day.

Congratulations to the newly-weds, Tudoy and Hani! Long Live Teofilo’s Tribe!

Aftermath: The Future for AngLadlad

By and large, I believe AngLadlad and the Filipino LGBT Community won a great battle in this past elections. While AngLadlad’s real story began in 2006 (when it first applied for partylist accreditation and got denied by COMELEC for failing to show its national membership), it was the last six months prior to the May 10, 2010 elections which proved most significant to its ultimate aspiration of respect and equality for Filipino LGBTs.

AngLadlad had always played by the rules. It relied on clear Constitutional mandates for marginalized sectors and took advantage of the opportunity that the Philippines’ Party List System provided. AngLadlad gathered its LGBT membership from all around the Philippines and documented its relevant activities, as well as the required qualifications of a Party List under the law. However, certain “powers that be” in the COMELEC chose to be more obvious with their biases and homophobia to outrightly deny AngLadlad’s application.

Everyone saw through the blatant injustice being done to AngLadlad, since various “bogus” organizations claiming to represent certain sectors were getting accredited at the snap of a finger by simply forking over a couple of hundred thousand pesos. These supposed sectoral organizations did not even fall within the same category of similarly disadvantaged groups enumerated by the Constitution and the Party List law. I mean, honestly, “sabungeros” or cockfighters and LPG-users as a marginalized sector? Give me a break! And maybe balut-vendors, security guards and tricycle drivers may fall within the contemplation of the economically-marginalized “informal industry or underground economy”, but to have the Presidential sister-in-law and a Presidential son represent such sectors as its intended nominees? Come on! They should have been the first to be disqualified.

But as is our wont, in the LGBT Community, we took everything in stride. We are used to these types of prejudice after all. The only difference is, we are no longer so willing to endure it. AngLadlad challenged the COMELEC and sought the judicious guidance of the Supreme Court in the name of human rights. With the fiasco surrounding COMELEC’s erroneous decision, the everyday discrimination Pinoy LGBTs actually experience in their lives became more real for other people in the straight world. Our own families and friends, or even mere acquaintances came to understand our plight better.

Fortunately, the Highest Court in the land showed incredible progressiveness and upheld our basic rights under the law. Quoting the Solicitor-General’s own Comment to the petition, it practically chastised the COMELEC Commissioners for their gross ignorance of the law. I personally think that, had it not been a critical election year, these as..h..les should have been impeached already!

While we in AngLadlad just grinned and bore it, unbeknownst to us, there were more people supporting us and declaring themselves as our allies. They may not be as vocal since they do not completely understand our struggle, but instinctively, Filipinos knew something was not right and it was not fair to LGBTs. Touted as an underdog, the sympathy generated for AngLadlad ultimately worked in our favor. Apathetic and indifferent LGBTs finally came out in solidarity to speak in behalf of LGBT rights.

But the greater revelation came on election day when we realized our own families and relatives, classmates and workmates all came out to vote for AngLadlad. Just when we thought our parents and siblings would never come to accept or understand us, they came out in full force to make their votes count even with the long queues under the sun, risking heatstroke as they did so. We were so surprised – shocked even! We were so overwhelmed by the support they showed us, most of us were driven to tears.

In my case, my own sisters and very religious mother (who would never challenge Catholic dogma), donated some stickers as AngLadlad campaign materials. My youngest sister and cousin hung AngLadlad tarpaulins at their homes even when they never fully understood my advocacy. As a result, our whole parish in Kamias came to know about AngLadlad so that neighbors were enjoined to vote for us. My mom could have been arrested for electioneering when she continued to campaign on election day within the polling areas!

The total votes we eventually got, albeit lacking to garner us a seat in Congress, was a decent number. Our ranking was considerably dignified compared to other partylists which had greater resources. Given the late release of the SC decision, we had a mere three (count that 3!) weeks to campaign formally. Thus, all five nominees, including Danton himself, were simultaneously deployed around the Philippines to campaign – Bemz to North Luzon, Danton to the Bicol region, Cris in Mindanao proper, Dex in Leyte and Samar, and I was sent to Cebu and Davao. We alternated with press duties – giving various interviews to TV, radio and print media. Meanwhile, we had Edmond, Gelo, Patrick, and Naomi holding the fort in Manila. Malu, Ging and the rest of the lesbians from LEAP, together with Ceejay and MCC-QC pulled off three weekends’ worth of mini-motorcades around the Metro, including an LGBT Flores de Mayo.

Within this very short time, I know many others from the LGBT Community were also working, doing whatever they can do to help out. From Cagayan de Oro (c/o Norms, Louie and the rest of PLUS) to Cebu (c/o Tisha, Jubelle, and Orly), Davao (c/o Pidot and Shielfa) to Laguna (c/o Kearse and Bron), our LGBT networks and friends were hooking us up with local media and providing us whatever exposure is available.

And sorry if I will fail to mention all of you due to memory gap, (I know Marlon went to Dumaguete, Abra and Pangasinan to campaign, as well LIKHAAN within their communities), but I believe this genuine unified effort for AngLadlad galvanized something within the LGBT Advocacy Movement - a great achievement in itself! Besides the true solidarity these different LGBT groups around the country showed us, we were amazed by the support local politicians in the provinces gave us. If people are still wondering whether Abalos was correct in calling us “phantom voters”, the clear visibility we displayed proved this disgraced ex-COMELEC chairman was so wrong about us.

We must remember that we also didn’t have enough financial resources and relied mostly on donations from friends and supporters. We welcomed and are thankful for all the support we got from different people, national and local candidates alike. And while tough choices had to be made, the leadership assured everyone that final decisions were made without losing focus on our main goal – and that is, to do everything it takes to represent Pinoy LGBTs in Congress.

Yet criticisms still abound, differences and misunderstandings will continue long after this election is over. But all I can say is, Filipino LGBTs should know where their loyalties should lie because no one else can do this better than a fellow LGBT. We may all have our political leanings, but after everything is said and done, this option has already been presented to you, that your own marginalized sector should be recognized in the political realm – will you stand by and simply watch when what we are fighting for are your own rights?

This early, there is a clamor for more LGBT groups in different parts of the country for AngLadlad to visit them for proper orientations on the partylist’s goals and plans. There is also an expressed desire to organize themselves better so they can serve as better campaign mechanisms in the future. Well-off LGBTs don’t seem so complacent anymore and entrepreneurs have shown interest in helping out with fundraisings. Our families and friends have become stronger allies and supporters. Already I feel Philippine society has already changed significantly and it gives me goosebumps.

Danton Remoto’s dream for AngLadlad and of greater political participation for Filipino LGBTs will continue. On the eve of the Philippine LGBT Advocacy Movement’s 15th year this June 2010, we celebrate our diversity and remain steadfast in our desire for equality and respect. Mabuhay tayong lahat, mga kapatid!