Floods - the great equalizer, as my Dad used to say. In the Philippines, the rainy season usually brings floods in low-lying areas, typhoon or no typhoon. So both rich and poor, gather their worldly possessions, however measly, and rush to higher ground once the waterways overflow. We have come to expect such inconveniences and we prepare ourselves and adjust our daily living as best as we can. In fact, Filipinos have become so used to "surprise downpours" that umbrellas and jackets are commonly stuffed in our bags once we leave the house. We never really relied on PAGASA that much..since nobody is really that dependable when it comes to typhoons. But nothing could have prepared anyone for what happened last weekend.
I was in Naga City when typhoon Ondoy first made landfall Friday PM. I was among its first victims, as I became stranded along with other travelers in the Bicol region. There was some wind and the skies were so cloudy the planes from Manila were simply sent back. I grumbled since I was worried about not leaving Jeni some extra cash. Sure there were still some groceries in the cupboard, but I failed to give Jeni some pocket money in case of emergencies. Naturally, Jeni was upset, but we both hoped I could get a return flight by the next day.
Saturday morning, I trudged back to the Naga airport. The Mnl-Naga-Mnl flights were back to normal, but by noon it was announced that our flight out would be delayed. We were told the planes could not leave Mnl since it was zero visibility due to heavy rains. I was part of the crowd that groaned in exasperation. We didn't realize what Manila residents were going through already. It wasn't until one of the passengers started laughing that it all dawned on us - he got a text message from a friend who took a land-trip the day before and that friend was stranded somewhere in Laguna because of floods.
I was texting Jeni since I knew our area in Araneta Avenue always flooded. I hoped she went home early after her call center shift. But true Jeni-fashion, she didn't; and instead, attended her team-building activity (read: drinking spree) somewhere in España. As such, she had to deal with the flood waters which were already rising to dangerous levels. Her last text to me at around 1:30PM was that she was somewhere near Araneta Ave at a waiting shed, soaked to the bone. She said she had to "wade" in floodwaters almost reaching up to a person's shoulders. Ok, that wasn't wading..that was swimming! And Jeni is by no means exceptionally "tall"...she's only 5 ft. for God's sake! And I shouldn't panic?! :( She would tell me later that a whole bus was submerged near Puregold - Araneta. Of course, she was still upset with me for pushing through with this trip. And I could understand why she would hate me now. Jeni doesn't really like thunderstorms and she has trouble sleeping when I am not around.
I started texting my family and friends as well. My family lives in the Kamias area which usually floods. At around 2PM, they said they were fine and they were more worried about me. They told me not to push through with my flight since it was dangerous. I had to tell them later my flight was eventually cancelled anyway. Both my sister and cousin fortunately have high, four-wheel drive vehicles, but they were unable to deal with the heavy traffic in the surrounding areas. They couldn't go near Katipunan or Quezon Ave. so my two nieces were stranded at Miriam College and St. Theresa's, respectively. All this time, I didn't know my eldest brother and his family in Pasig were in more dire straits. Their bungalow was located in Rosario and their house was submerged in floodwaters even before lunch.
At this point, celfone signals were getting quirky already. Also, flooded areas have since lost electricity because MERALCO prudently shut power to prevent accidental electrocutions. I went back to the hotel and watched the news. The information was very sketchy; government agencies seemed clueless at what to do next. I went out to look for an internet cafe to get better insights on Manila's floods. Nothing useful except making some lucky contacts with those who were safe and sound in their own homes.
Times like these, survival instincts make us watch out for our own safety first. But after securing ourselves, we begin to wonder about the people we love. We frantically try to contact family members and friends to check on their welfare. Times like these, we begin to realize what is important - not our cars, not our laptops, not even our celfones except to find out about our loved ones. For the rich and the poor, it's not material things that matter anymore, but people's lives.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Stories
I have always been fond of short stories. When I was first introduced to the fiction genre in high school, I began to cultivate an affinity for the brief and concise presentation of simple plots. Never mind that occasionally I had to endure a novella or novellete as classroom reading; I wanted it “short and sweet”. After I had exhausted the required reading for English literature class, I turned to my family library and found a classic O’Henry collection, “The Chapparal Prince and other Stories”, as well as a four-volume Guy Mauppasant compilation. But while I enjoyed similar stories by John Galsworthy (“Quality”), James Thurber (Scarlet Ibis”) and James Joyce (Araby”), I had a penchant for Edgar Allan Poe’s dark and mysterious writing. As such, stories like “A Rose for Emily” and “A Cask of Amontillado” were my favorites.
In college, my weekends in Los Banos were also spent reading. My Villareal cousins had an Edgar Allan Poe anthology in their library, so after going through compulsory readings of “The Good Earth” and “Love in the Time of Cholera”, I devoured Poe’s “The Tell-tale Heart”, “Curse of the Red Masque”, and The Black Cat”.
Later, I discovered Stephen King’s short story collections. The first one, “Night Shift”, included classic horror stories like “Children of the Corn”, “Silver Bullet” and “Trucks” (better known as “Maximum Overdrive”) which had all been made into Hollywood films. His other installments, “Skeleton Crew” and “Four Past Midnight” had “The Body” (which became “Stand By Me” in the movies), “Secret Window” (starring Johnny Depp as a depressed writer accused of plagiarism) and one recently released, “The Mist” about scientific experiments going wrong and affecting nature. He also wrote under the name “Richard Bachman” and came up with a four-story anthology, two of which became movies - “Thinner” and “Total Recall”, starring Arnold Schwazennagger and Sharon Stone.
Other lesser known selections by Steve King like “The Mangler” and “Word Processor of the Gods” were regularly featured in TV series such as “Tales from the Darkside”, “Twilight Zone” and “Amazing Stories”. It was because of these television shows that I became acquainted with Ray Bradbury. These shows also featured Ray Bradbury classics such as “The Wind” which was actually about a banshee tormenting a writer, and “Company”, the one about a sickly boy’s dog whom he regularly sends out to tell him about what’s going on outside, and who eventually brings home one day a new friend for the boy.
When I was cooped up at home recently, I had the opportunity to catch up on my reading again. Jeni gave me a bunch of books to keep me still and in bed for most of the week. Most of it were her own grandmother’s collections and the books’ pages were really brittle already. I didn’t realize that one of them was a classic Alfred Hitchcock – “Twelve Stories for the Late Night”. Most of the short stories were circa 1930s, 40s and 50s by highly acclaimed writers such as Ray Bradbury, Evelyn Waugh, Robert Arthur, Philip MacDonald, Frank Belknap Long, Will F. Jenkins, and John Collier. And they kept me in bed alright. I was captivated; I was in complete awe. Long before there was Stephen King, there were these writers - true masters of the craft. For indeed, with their words they were able to describe sceneries with such vision, capture images and feelings almost palpable to the senses. Their individual pieces were really works of art; they were what writing was truly about. But I am afraid this book is, by now, out of print. I doubt it if some university libraries even have a copy of it. It sold, for the first time in paperback, for a mere 50cents it says on its cover. To the lucky ones who may have this in their personal collections, treasure it...for it is truly “vintage” reading material.
In college, my weekends in Los Banos were also spent reading. My Villareal cousins had an Edgar Allan Poe anthology in their library, so after going through compulsory readings of “The Good Earth” and “Love in the Time of Cholera”, I devoured Poe’s “The Tell-tale Heart”, “Curse of the Red Masque”, and The Black Cat”.
Later, I discovered Stephen King’s short story collections. The first one, “Night Shift”, included classic horror stories like “Children of the Corn”, “Silver Bullet” and “Trucks” (better known as “Maximum Overdrive”) which had all been made into Hollywood films. His other installments, “Skeleton Crew” and “Four Past Midnight” had “The Body” (which became “Stand By Me” in the movies), “Secret Window” (starring Johnny Depp as a depressed writer accused of plagiarism) and one recently released, “The Mist” about scientific experiments going wrong and affecting nature. He also wrote under the name “Richard Bachman” and came up with a four-story anthology, two of which became movies - “Thinner” and “Total Recall”, starring Arnold Schwazennagger and Sharon Stone.
Other lesser known selections by Steve King like “The Mangler” and “Word Processor of the Gods” were regularly featured in TV series such as “Tales from the Darkside”, “Twilight Zone” and “Amazing Stories”. It was because of these television shows that I became acquainted with Ray Bradbury. These shows also featured Ray Bradbury classics such as “The Wind” which was actually about a banshee tormenting a writer, and “Company”, the one about a sickly boy’s dog whom he regularly sends out to tell him about what’s going on outside, and who eventually brings home one day a new friend for the boy.
When I was cooped up at home recently, I had the opportunity to catch up on my reading again. Jeni gave me a bunch of books to keep me still and in bed for most of the week. Most of it were her own grandmother’s collections and the books’ pages were really brittle already. I didn’t realize that one of them was a classic Alfred Hitchcock – “Twelve Stories for the Late Night”. Most of the short stories were circa 1930s, 40s and 50s by highly acclaimed writers such as Ray Bradbury, Evelyn Waugh, Robert Arthur, Philip MacDonald, Frank Belknap Long, Will F. Jenkins, and John Collier. And they kept me in bed alright. I was captivated; I was in complete awe. Long before there was Stephen King, there were these writers - true masters of the craft. For indeed, with their words they were able to describe sceneries with such vision, capture images and feelings almost palpable to the senses. Their individual pieces were really works of art; they were what writing was truly about. But I am afraid this book is, by now, out of print. I doubt it if some university libraries even have a copy of it. It sold, for the first time in paperback, for a mere 50cents it says on its cover. To the lucky ones who may have this in their personal collections, treasure it...for it is truly “vintage” reading material.
Of Girlfriends and Snoring
I was out-of-commission for a week. I had always wanted an extended weekend that I couldn’t wait for the next typhoon to hit or the next national holiday to be announced. I must’ve prayed so hard, I finally got my wish…but with dire consequences.
It all started after the Policy Analysis Training in August. After a week of blissfully cool weather up in Antipolo, I came back to a humid and polluted city air. My asthma naturally acted up and I endured it together with my allergic rhinitis for several mornings. I presumed the sniffles and coughing would all go away soon enough. By the second week, there was already phlegm in my lungs and Jeni complained my snoring at night was worse than before. I apologized for her sleepless nights and explained my clogged nose didn’t help my deviated septum any (a condition I inherited from my father). When I started feeling feverish, we both wondered if it was sinusitis already. But I should have known the cold sweats I was having in the afternoons and at night was not normal.
And then the timing of the fevers became strange. I would get them late in the afternoons until evening. The next morning, I’d still have a slightly raised temperature and would feel too sluggish. Midday, I would feel better for a couple of hours until around 4 or 5PM when I would get feverish all over again. All this time, Jeni would be waking me up in the middle of the night because my snoring was also becoming too weird for her. When before, she would be bothered by the gaps in my breathing, long periods when I seem to have stopped breathing, now it was the gasping sounds that I made. She began to panic when she noticed that I sounded like I was “drowning” one night. The very next day, she hustled me off to St. Lukes.
I was diagnosed with upper respiratory infection which was already on the brink of broncho-pneumonia. It was my fault for not paying attention to my cough even when I started feeling phlegm in my lungs. I honestly thought it was just my asthma. Malay ko ba…
I owe it all to my partner, Jeni, for noticing the slight changes in my physiological habits. I may be a horrible roommate because of my snoring, but she has learned to recognize what was ‘normal’ sleep-breathing for me. I wouldn’t know half the time since I was obviously unconscious, right? The night I seemed to be “drowning” Jeni was downstairs, having just arrived from her nightshift. I must’ve scared the hell out of her since she willingly took a leave from work the next day to accompany me to the hospital. Correction, it was by her insistence that I finally thought of consulting a doctor.
Now, the fevers are gone but I am still on antibiotics. I have an alka seltzer-type of mucolytic to dissolve the phlegm and also a decongestant-paracetamol to ensure the sniffles are controlled. And of course, there’s Jeni who must now constantly monitor my snoring for any changes in my health condition. Here’s to heroic girlfriends!
It all started after the Policy Analysis Training in August. After a week of blissfully cool weather up in Antipolo, I came back to a humid and polluted city air. My asthma naturally acted up and I endured it together with my allergic rhinitis for several mornings. I presumed the sniffles and coughing would all go away soon enough. By the second week, there was already phlegm in my lungs and Jeni complained my snoring at night was worse than before. I apologized for her sleepless nights and explained my clogged nose didn’t help my deviated septum any (a condition I inherited from my father). When I started feeling feverish, we both wondered if it was sinusitis already. But I should have known the cold sweats I was having in the afternoons and at night was not normal.
And then the timing of the fevers became strange. I would get them late in the afternoons until evening. The next morning, I’d still have a slightly raised temperature and would feel too sluggish. Midday, I would feel better for a couple of hours until around 4 or 5PM when I would get feverish all over again. All this time, Jeni would be waking me up in the middle of the night because my snoring was also becoming too weird for her. When before, she would be bothered by the gaps in my breathing, long periods when I seem to have stopped breathing, now it was the gasping sounds that I made. She began to panic when she noticed that I sounded like I was “drowning” one night. The very next day, she hustled me off to St. Lukes.
I was diagnosed with upper respiratory infection which was already on the brink of broncho-pneumonia. It was my fault for not paying attention to my cough even when I started feeling phlegm in my lungs. I honestly thought it was just my asthma. Malay ko ba…
I owe it all to my partner, Jeni, for noticing the slight changes in my physiological habits. I may be a horrible roommate because of my snoring, but she has learned to recognize what was ‘normal’ sleep-breathing for me. I wouldn’t know half the time since I was obviously unconscious, right? The night I seemed to be “drowning” Jeni was downstairs, having just arrived from her nightshift. I must’ve scared the hell out of her since she willingly took a leave from work the next day to accompany me to the hospital. Correction, it was by her insistence that I finally thought of consulting a doctor.
Now, the fevers are gone but I am still on antibiotics. I have an alka seltzer-type of mucolytic to dissolve the phlegm and also a decongestant-paracetamol to ensure the sniffles are controlled. And of course, there’s Jeni who must now constantly monitor my snoring for any changes in my health condition. Here’s to heroic girlfriends!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Reality Check
Funny that I am reminded of my mortality every so often by the jarring statements my body makes. Admittedly, I tend to overdo it sometimes...never realizing that this poor vessel has weathered the wear and tear of time quite admirably. But now, the years of neglect and abuse may have taken their toll.
Don't get me wrong, I have stayed away from the usual bodily contaminants of cigarettes and alcohol for the simple reason that I have allergies. But it doesn't mean I don't have my own set of vices like Coke, a fondness for grilled meat, and late nights. Add to that the unavoidable lifestyle factors of stress, lack of exercise, and a constantly busy, if not hectic, schedule.
Forced to take it easy because of another bout with illness, I took stock of my life. Indeed, I am in the last days of my 30s. Looking back, I had a good run, if I must say so. But there is still so much I could've done..The biological clock is still loudly clanging, quite grandfatherly-like in fact...and I now look fondly at my friends' kids, musing that childcare couldn't be any worse than taking care of a couple of pets. I've survived quite a few naughty puppies after all...
(I may not look it..but I think I would make a great parent. You don't believe me? Ask my numerous nephews and nieces..they all learned a lot from me because I never gave them any b..sh. t. Look at my pet dogs too...they all have personalities and are extremely well-trained).
But the days are swiflty passing...we never really know what's going to come tomorrow. What matters is today and how we live it. Remember, it's the things that we haven't done that we feel regret for...not what we have actually done. Those things, good or bad, we can eventually learn to live with.
Don't get me wrong, I have stayed away from the usual bodily contaminants of cigarettes and alcohol for the simple reason that I have allergies. But it doesn't mean I don't have my own set of vices like Coke, a fondness for grilled meat, and late nights. Add to that the unavoidable lifestyle factors of stress, lack of exercise, and a constantly busy, if not hectic, schedule.
Forced to take it easy because of another bout with illness, I took stock of my life. Indeed, I am in the last days of my 30s. Looking back, I had a good run, if I must say so. But there is still so much I could've done..The biological clock is still loudly clanging, quite grandfatherly-like in fact...and I now look fondly at my friends' kids, musing that childcare couldn't be any worse than taking care of a couple of pets. I've survived quite a few naughty puppies after all...
(I may not look it..but I think I would make a great parent. You don't believe me? Ask my numerous nephews and nieces..they all learned a lot from me because I never gave them any b..sh. t. Look at my pet dogs too...they all have personalities and are extremely well-trained).
But the days are swiflty passing...we never really know what's going to come tomorrow. What matters is today and how we live it. Remember, it's the things that we haven't done that we feel regret for...not what we have actually done. Those things, good or bad, we can eventually learn to live with.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
R-Rights Thanks Astraea & Friends
As we come to almost the end of a funding season, R-Rights would like to take this opportunity to say thank you to our funder, Astraea Lesbian Foundation for Justice, and to all our partners who shared our big dream of having LGBT forums that are light and informal (ok, technically they are also about LGBT rights under criminal, civil, family, election, and labor laws but they were never boring). While the forums were rational, objective and informed, they were opportunities for fun, laughter, and inspiration as we also talked about our experiences and our successes as a community.
Its humble beginnings started with its “outing” on June 24, 2005 through a Round-Table Discussion on LGBT rights and Philippine Law at the University of the Philippines Center for Women Studies. After the discussion, R-Rights embarked on its Rainbow Exchange/Dyke Dialogue Series, with out-of-pocket funding and the kindness of friends.• DYKE DIALOGUES: OUR RIGHTS: Law 101 for LGBTs (24 June 2005)• DYKE DIALOGUES 2: Lesbian Identities and Relationship Dynamics (October 2007) • RAINBOW EXCHANGE: M2M: Living the Gay Life ( November 2007)• DYKE DIALOGUES 3: The Sex Talk (January 26, 2008)• REVISITING THE PINK CARD (May 2008)
From June 26, 2008, with funding support from the Astraea Lesbian Foundation for Justice, R-Rights sponsored the following forums: • WOMAN NONETHELESS: Being a Trans Female in the Philippines (August 30, 2008)• DYKE DIALOGUES 4: SEXUAL NEGOTIATIONS An Intimate Forum on the Politics of the Artistic and Erotic (September 13, 2008)• TRANS DIALOGUE : TRANSGENDERISM 101 (November 22, 2008) • DYKE DIALOGUES 5: Out-ing the Queer Identity (February 7, 2009)• UNEQUAL UNDER THE LAW: Transgenderism in the Philippines (March 10, 2009)• GIVING VOICE TO THE PINK VOTE: Election and Party List Representation Law for LGBTs (March 21, 2009)• DYKE DIALOGUES 6: Families of the Heart – Legal Protections for Lesbian Partners and their Children (April 18, 2009)• DYKE DIALOGUES CEBU SERIES: An Exclusive Encounter with Rainbow Rights (May 1-2, 2009) • DYKE DIALOGUES CAGAYAN DE ORO: PLUS (People Like Us Meets Rainbow Rights) (May 23, 2009)• FILIPINO LGB YOUTH AND SUICIDE RISK: Findings from a National Survey (June 20, 2009)• LEGAL RIGHTS AND SEXUALITY (July 27, 2009)
Astraea’s support made it possible for R-Rights to have forums that generate awareness within the community, bring LGBT rights advocacy to mainstream discourses, and give recognition and appreciation to resource persons, a practice that expresses a high regard for activism work. It allowed R-Rights to go beyond Metro Manila. It also empowered R-Rights to sustain its “Pink Peso” campaign. In this campaign, R-Rights gives back to the community by availing the services of LGBT-run and-owned businesses and service providers.
It has also given R-Rights an opportunity to strengthen alliances with other advocacy groups and tap valuable resource persons from within and outside our community. Here is a list of the groups and individuals that R-Rights has worked with in the forums:• Baguio Pride Network• Cebupride • CDO People Like Us • Cordillera Women’s Education, Action and Research Center• Living the L Word (Manila)• Lunduyan ng Sining (Cradle of the Arts) • Metropolitan Community Church (Quezon City, Baguio City, and Makati City)• Paralegal Volunteers Organization, College of Law, University of the Philippines • Pi Sigma Delta Sorority (Baguio)• Radar Pridewear Inc. • Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP)• Task Force Pride • University of the Philippines Film Institute • University of the Philippines (Baguio) Student Council• UP Babaylan* And Ladlad LGBT Party
To all of you who have helped us and trusted us, to all of you who attended our forums and shared your insights and knowledge, to all of you who were generous with your time, talent, and services, to all of you who have stepped up to serve as facilitators and resource speakers, THANK YOU. This is not a “salamat, paalam.” We are not saying goodbye. R-Rights has more fun activities coming with its August 29, 2009 self-defense workshop for lesbians, and bisexual and transgender women co-sponsored by Radar Pridewear and Defense Specialists Inc, and its legal rights and sexuality forum on September 19, 2009, with Metropolitan Community Church (Quezon City).
Thank you and see you soon!
With love from R-RIGHTS
Its humble beginnings started with its “outing” on June 24, 2005 through a Round-Table Discussion on LGBT rights and Philippine Law at the University of the Philippines Center for Women Studies. After the discussion, R-Rights embarked on its Rainbow Exchange/Dyke Dialogue Series, with out-of-pocket funding and the kindness of friends.• DYKE DIALOGUES: OUR RIGHTS: Law 101 for LGBTs (24 June 2005)• DYKE DIALOGUES 2: Lesbian Identities and Relationship Dynamics (October 2007) • RAINBOW EXCHANGE: M2M: Living the Gay Life ( November 2007)• DYKE DIALOGUES 3: The Sex Talk (January 26, 2008)• REVISITING THE PINK CARD (May 2008)
From June 26, 2008, with funding support from the Astraea Lesbian Foundation for Justice, R-Rights sponsored the following forums: • WOMAN NONETHELESS: Being a Trans Female in the Philippines (August 30, 2008)• DYKE DIALOGUES 4: SEXUAL NEGOTIATIONS An Intimate Forum on the Politics of the Artistic and Erotic (September 13, 2008)• TRANS DIALOGUE : TRANSGENDERISM 101 (November 22, 2008) • DYKE DIALOGUES 5: Out-ing the Queer Identity (February 7, 2009)• UNEQUAL UNDER THE LAW: Transgenderism in the Philippines (March 10, 2009)• GIVING VOICE TO THE PINK VOTE: Election and Party List Representation Law for LGBTs (March 21, 2009)• DYKE DIALOGUES 6: Families of the Heart – Legal Protections for Lesbian Partners and their Children (April 18, 2009)• DYKE DIALOGUES CEBU SERIES: An Exclusive Encounter with Rainbow Rights (May 1-2, 2009) • DYKE DIALOGUES CAGAYAN DE ORO: PLUS (People Like Us Meets Rainbow Rights) (May 23, 2009)• FILIPINO LGB YOUTH AND SUICIDE RISK: Findings from a National Survey (June 20, 2009)• LEGAL RIGHTS AND SEXUALITY (July 27, 2009)
Astraea’s support made it possible for R-Rights to have forums that generate awareness within the community, bring LGBT rights advocacy to mainstream discourses, and give recognition and appreciation to resource persons, a practice that expresses a high regard for activism work. It allowed R-Rights to go beyond Metro Manila. It also empowered R-Rights to sustain its “Pink Peso” campaign. In this campaign, R-Rights gives back to the community by availing the services of LGBT-run and-owned businesses and service providers.
It has also given R-Rights an opportunity to strengthen alliances with other advocacy groups and tap valuable resource persons from within and outside our community. Here is a list of the groups and individuals that R-Rights has worked with in the forums:• Baguio Pride Network• Cebupride • CDO People Like Us • Cordillera Women’s Education, Action and Research Center• Living the L Word (Manila)• Lunduyan ng Sining (Cradle of the Arts) • Metropolitan Community Church (Quezon City, Baguio City, and Makati City)• Paralegal Volunteers Organization, College of Law, University of the Philippines • Pi Sigma Delta Sorority (Baguio)• Radar Pridewear Inc. • Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP)• Task Force Pride • University of the Philippines Film Institute • University of the Philippines (Baguio) Student Council• UP Babaylan* And Ladlad LGBT Party
To all of you who have helped us and trusted us, to all of you who attended our forums and shared your insights and knowledge, to all of you who were generous with your time, talent, and services, to all of you who have stepped up to serve as facilitators and resource speakers, THANK YOU. This is not a “salamat, paalam.” We are not saying goodbye. R-Rights has more fun activities coming with its August 29, 2009 self-defense workshop for lesbians, and bisexual and transgender women co-sponsored by Radar Pridewear and Defense Specialists Inc, and its legal rights and sexuality forum on September 19, 2009, with Metropolitan Community Church (Quezon City).
Thank you and see you soon!
With love from R-RIGHTS
Monday, August 24, 2009
Why I Am
Even at a young age, I knew I was different. The minute I started questioning the way my father was treating my older sisters compared to my brothers, I knew I was asking for trouble. But I just couldn’t understand why my eldest sister was forced to participate in beauty pageants while the next oldest was made to provide regular entertainment with her Tahitian-Hawaiian hula dance numbers. On the other hand, my eldest brother was displayed by my Dad as the NSDB scholar from UP, the big-shot fraternity man. Worse of was my second oldest brother who was gay. He was treated as the “black-sheep”; a deep dark secret, the butt-of-jokes during family reunions. It didn’t matter that he was also in UP and very artistic. I was upset by this arrangement and from then on, I knew I was going to test the gender-divides I grew up with.
Curiously, I reached menarche quite early. A real tomboy when I was growing up, I was grief-stricken when I started getting my boobs at nine. But I felt the heavens fell on me when I got my period at ten. I was completely distraught while my Mom was ecstatic. She thought maybe then I’d give up my Superman dolls, boxing gloves and water pistols. But toys and play was the least of my problems. I started having attractions for my female classmates. Sure I too had crushes on Gabby Concepcion and William Martinez, as well as Andrew McCarthy and Rob Lowe. But there was no neighborhood boy I particularly liked even if I got my share of ogles and stares as I rode my bike around in my skimpy shorts. Boys just did not appeal to me as did the girls in my class.
My puberty stage was pure agony. I was scared and confused because everyone was telling me it was wrong to like another girl. The nuns at school told me it was a sin I had to confess each week before I take Communion. Family and friends said it was “abnormal” and I was afraid they would not like me anymore. I blamed it on the environment of an All-girls Catholic school. I hoped that it was all a phase; that upon being exposed to boys soon, I would turn ”normal”.
So all throughout elementary and high school, I concealed hidden affections for numerous classmates. I wrote them love letters and poems for their crushes and boyfriends, and they commented at how well I could capture their feelings even if I hadn’t experienced it myself. In this aspect, writing “saved” me and gave me an outlet. The self-denial and self-hate which almost destroyed my soul, was salvaged by reading books and writing. Diary entries were replete with secret longings even as I continued to write poetry for my classmates’ public consumption. I even accommodated them by writing erotic fiction which they read aloud in the classroom during breaks.
For college, I chose to go to UP Los Banos because I wanted a co-ed university. I also wanted to break away from my sheltered childhood. For the first time in my life, I had to learn to ride public transport, budget my own money for food, make sure I get myself to class on time. I totally loved the independence and it was college life just like in the movies – dorm life, org and frat parties. So I was finally “exposed” to guys and actually enjoyed the company of my Upsilon fraternity brothers. Some Agribusiness classmates also went as far as courting me after seeing in skirts and dresses (this was all for my initiation in Sigma Delta Phi and UP Agribusiness Society, of course). Yet I still did not find that emotional connection with any males.
At UPLB, I was a member of the Sigma Delta Phi Sorority, the best known Greek-letter organization for women on campus. We were considered the best of the best, scholars, athletes, and artists. Recruitment is by invitation only; no walk-in applicants and you have to pass an intense screening. I was used to having females around me all the time, and I was comfortable with my social circle. But when I became an officer of the sorority, I felt obliged to act like a “real” lady. I had to conduct myself like a true Sigma Deltan and wear skirts or dresses for formal meetings, even bring a date to sorority balls. To be honest, it was so stifling.
After college, with my degree in business, I became a Makati girl and went to work in skirts and heels. I actually lost weight in that get-up and even sprained my ankle a few times with just inch-high heels. Strangely, through it all, friends in college and even at work knew I was really gay. That is not to say, I had quite a few “affairs” with other women then, but nothing was definite.
A year later I went to law school. The study of law was really intense and it ate up my whole life for the next couple of years. So I cannot say much about it except that I studied like hell and that’s where I met my Ex, the love of my life. She was a classmate, a case-pool groupmate, a sorority sister in the UP Law Portia Sorority. When I filed an LOA when my father died, she was the only one who visited me regularly. Since I almost lost my penchant for law when my Dad died (he was an attorney too), getting back into the groove was quite difficult. But Ex was there and after I finally came out to myself at the age of twenty-five, she was still there.
It was not easy for us. We talked about it a lot. We considered what our sorority sisters and classmates would say. We were rational about everything, until we finally decided we would be brave about what we had. People once asked me when we stopped being friends. I told them, we never stopped being friends. It’s just that there became an added dimension of being lovers as well. (For more detailed info on me and my Ex, please get hold of Unveilings, a woman’s writings anthology by my writer’s group, Women in Bliss.)
Coming out as a couple made us join the LGBT Community. With our legal education, we were especially useful to our fellow LGBTs. We were both intelligent and articulate, so we automatically became poster-kids for same-sex partners. We gave interviews, spoke on radio and TV, and continued to remain active in the local LGBT organizations and networks. It was through this LGBT groups where we also had our connection with womens NGOs and became familiar with womens issues as well.
To date, I am the Founding President of Rainbow Rights Project (R-Rights), Inc., the Corporate Secretary of Lesbian Advocates Phils, the former Policy Advocacy and Research Coordinator of LAGABLAB, a novice of Order of St. Aelred, a religious group for LGBTs, and currently the National Treasurer of Ang Ladlad, the first LGBT group seeking partylist.accreditation.
Meanwhile, believing that my legal training has been put to good use already, I decided to return to an old passion which was writing. I enrolled at the CAL Graduate School for an MA in English Studies Major in Creative Writing. Since I was already working as a government lawyer, I have not been able to concentrate too much on my Masters. But I go to school now because I enjoy it and I try to learn things that really interest me. Which brings me to Women’s Studies, which is not exactly new to me because of my regular work for the DSWD and my involvement with women’s NGOs. Like everything else that has interested me, I believe I will be able to use whatever I learn here in my everyday life.
Curiously, I reached menarche quite early. A real tomboy when I was growing up, I was grief-stricken when I started getting my boobs at nine. But I felt the heavens fell on me when I got my period at ten. I was completely distraught while my Mom was ecstatic. She thought maybe then I’d give up my Superman dolls, boxing gloves and water pistols. But toys and play was the least of my problems. I started having attractions for my female classmates. Sure I too had crushes on Gabby Concepcion and William Martinez, as well as Andrew McCarthy and Rob Lowe. But there was no neighborhood boy I particularly liked even if I got my share of ogles and stares as I rode my bike around in my skimpy shorts. Boys just did not appeal to me as did the girls in my class.
My puberty stage was pure agony. I was scared and confused because everyone was telling me it was wrong to like another girl. The nuns at school told me it was a sin I had to confess each week before I take Communion. Family and friends said it was “abnormal” and I was afraid they would not like me anymore. I blamed it on the environment of an All-girls Catholic school. I hoped that it was all a phase; that upon being exposed to boys soon, I would turn ”normal”.
So all throughout elementary and high school, I concealed hidden affections for numerous classmates. I wrote them love letters and poems for their crushes and boyfriends, and they commented at how well I could capture their feelings even if I hadn’t experienced it myself. In this aspect, writing “saved” me and gave me an outlet. The self-denial and self-hate which almost destroyed my soul, was salvaged by reading books and writing. Diary entries were replete with secret longings even as I continued to write poetry for my classmates’ public consumption. I even accommodated them by writing erotic fiction which they read aloud in the classroom during breaks.
For college, I chose to go to UP Los Banos because I wanted a co-ed university. I also wanted to break away from my sheltered childhood. For the first time in my life, I had to learn to ride public transport, budget my own money for food, make sure I get myself to class on time. I totally loved the independence and it was college life just like in the movies – dorm life, org and frat parties. So I was finally “exposed” to guys and actually enjoyed the company of my Upsilon fraternity brothers. Some Agribusiness classmates also went as far as courting me after seeing in skirts and dresses (this was all for my initiation in Sigma Delta Phi and UP Agribusiness Society, of course). Yet I still did not find that emotional connection with any males.
At UPLB, I was a member of the Sigma Delta Phi Sorority, the best known Greek-letter organization for women on campus. We were considered the best of the best, scholars, athletes, and artists. Recruitment is by invitation only; no walk-in applicants and you have to pass an intense screening. I was used to having females around me all the time, and I was comfortable with my social circle. But when I became an officer of the sorority, I felt obliged to act like a “real” lady. I had to conduct myself like a true Sigma Deltan and wear skirts or dresses for formal meetings, even bring a date to sorority balls. To be honest, it was so stifling.
After college, with my degree in business, I became a Makati girl and went to work in skirts and heels. I actually lost weight in that get-up and even sprained my ankle a few times with just inch-high heels. Strangely, through it all, friends in college and even at work knew I was really gay. That is not to say, I had quite a few “affairs” with other women then, but nothing was definite.
A year later I went to law school. The study of law was really intense and it ate up my whole life for the next couple of years. So I cannot say much about it except that I studied like hell and that’s where I met my Ex, the love of my life. She was a classmate, a case-pool groupmate, a sorority sister in the UP Law Portia Sorority. When I filed an LOA when my father died, she was the only one who visited me regularly. Since I almost lost my penchant for law when my Dad died (he was an attorney too), getting back into the groove was quite difficult. But Ex was there and after I finally came out to myself at the age of twenty-five, she was still there.
It was not easy for us. We talked about it a lot. We considered what our sorority sisters and classmates would say. We were rational about everything, until we finally decided we would be brave about what we had. People once asked me when we stopped being friends. I told them, we never stopped being friends. It’s just that there became an added dimension of being lovers as well. (For more detailed info on me and my Ex, please get hold of Unveilings, a woman’s writings anthology by my writer’s group, Women in Bliss.)
Coming out as a couple made us join the LGBT Community. With our legal education, we were especially useful to our fellow LGBTs. We were both intelligent and articulate, so we automatically became poster-kids for same-sex partners. We gave interviews, spoke on radio and TV, and continued to remain active in the local LGBT organizations and networks. It was through this LGBT groups where we also had our connection with womens NGOs and became familiar with womens issues as well.
To date, I am the Founding President of Rainbow Rights Project (R-Rights), Inc., the Corporate Secretary of Lesbian Advocates Phils, the former Policy Advocacy and Research Coordinator of LAGABLAB, a novice of Order of St. Aelred, a religious group for LGBTs, and currently the National Treasurer of Ang Ladlad, the first LGBT group seeking partylist.accreditation.
Meanwhile, believing that my legal training has been put to good use already, I decided to return to an old passion which was writing. I enrolled at the CAL Graduate School for an MA in English Studies Major in Creative Writing. Since I was already working as a government lawyer, I have not been able to concentrate too much on my Masters. But I go to school now because I enjoy it and I try to learn things that really interest me. Which brings me to Women’s Studies, which is not exactly new to me because of my regular work for the DSWD and my involvement with women’s NGOs. Like everything else that has interested me, I believe I will be able to use whatever I learn here in my everyday life.
How To Love her
When she walks away from you mad [ Follow her ] When she stares at your mouth [ Kiss her ] When she pushes you or hits you [ Grab her and dont let go ] When she starts cussing at you [ Kiss her and tell her you love her ] When she's quiet [ Ask her what's wrong ] When she ignores you [ Give her your attention ] When she pulls away [ Pull her back ] When you see her at her worst [ Tell her she's beautiful ] When you see her start crying [Just hold her and dont say a word ] When you see her walking [ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ] When she's scared [ Protect her ] When she lays her head on your shoulder [ Tilt her head up and kiss her ] When she steals your favorite hat [ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night] When she teases you [ Tease her back and make her laugh ] When she doesnt answer for a long time [ reassure her that everything is okay ] When she looks at you with doubt [ Back yourself up ] When she says that she likes you [ she really does more than you could understand ] When she grabs at your hands [ Hold hers and play with her fingers ] When she bumps into you [ bump into her back and make her laugh ] When she tells you a secret [ keep it safe and untold ] When she looks at you in your eyes [ dont look away until she does ] When she misses you [ she's hurting inside ] When you break her heart [ the pain never really goes away ] When she says it's over [ she still wants you to be hers ] When she reposts this bulletin [ she wants you to read it ] - Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything. - When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go - When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her - because 10 yrs later she'll remember you - Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her - Call her before you sleep and after you wake up - Treat her like she's all that matters to you. - Tease her and let her tease you back. - Stay up all night with her when she's sick. - Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid. - Give her the world. - Let her wear your clothes. - When she's bored and sad, hang out with her. - Let her know she's important. - Kiss her in the pouring rain. - When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking, babe?" If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will : •Call you. •Kiss you. •Love you. •Text you.
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