My Vows for Toni

(my wedding vows..to remind me for the rest of my life) My Dearest Toni, I stand before you now, ready to take the next big step towards having a life together. You came to me unexpectedly, bringing joy and sunshine just when I needed it most. You brought me laughter, you brought me peace. Most of all, you gave me strength. These are things you gave freely, willingly and maybe even without realizing it. Every day, for over a year now, you make me feel your love and sometimes it leaves me speechless and in awe. Never have I felt so cherished and loved as when I am with you. I still marvel at how easily and how quickly you seem to fit into my world…that finally, everything is perfect. I now know that the Universe indeed conspires to make things happen if it’s meant to be. Today, I give you my heart and everything that I am, as I take you as my spouse; I promise to love you and care for you, to put you and our family first before any thing or any one. I will be your shelter and your sanctuary, as you are mine; I promise to always be here for you, never leaving your side whether in good times or in bad. I will wholeheartedly share with you every thought, every smile or tear, and give you all the honesty your trust deserves. Most of all, I promise to be worthy of your love and all the patience, understanding and respect this life-long bond requires of us. I hold your hand now, clasped within my own, never more certain or prepared to face the future with you as I become your partner for life. I love you very much.

Captivated by Capiz, Enamored with Roxas City

The first thing my friends told me when they found out I was going to Capiz was to bring some garlic and/or salt with me to ward off the infamous aswangs. That impression is by far the single most notorious belief about Capiz, and I would say rather unfairly too. To dispel any other myths and misconceptions about Capiz, the locals organized an Aswang Festival a few years back. Their way of poking fun at themselves and their detractors upset the clergy and convinced them it was a bad idea. The apparent influence of the Church in these parts just shows the religiosity of its people, contrary to its reputation of being the land of the aswangs. Landing in Roxas City, I got a great view of the sea and the nearby beaches. Although in the same region as Iloilo, Guimaras and Boracay, Capiz is not well-known among avid beach-goers as a popular tourist destination. Yet I am told that it boasts of the same pristine waters and white, powdery sand in many of its islands and coastal areas. In fact, nearby Olotayan Island, just a few minutes boatride from Roxas City can give Boracay a run for its money. Fortunately, one of Capiz’ redeeming qualities is its being known as the Seafood Capital of thePhilippines. If anyone wants to gorge on shellfish, seaweed and a wide array of bounty-from-the-sea, this is the place to head off to. With its coastline and river networks still abundant with mangroves, it’s no wonder crabs, shrimps, clams and oysters are teeming in these waters. While there are actually many restaurants within Roxas City to have your fill of seafood, a good place to go to is the Seafood Court and People’s Park at BaybayBeach. Just a stone’s throw away from DILG Secretary Mar Roxas’ home, its open area has a short promenade and a great view of the nearby islands – Mantalinga and Olotayan. The beachline is currently being renovated with establishments being moved away from the coastline itself, but numerous seafood restaurants and resorts line this boulevard of sorts. For the budget conscious, there are many cheap hotels in the city proper. Most lodgings are reasonably priced and within walking distance from food establishments. Tricycles, the major mode of transport in these parts, are easily available at every turn and will take you anywhere within Roxas City for a mere P8.00 fare. Most tourist sites are also quite accessible. Named after its most famous son, the first President of the Philippine Republic Manuel Roxas, the city’s significance in Philippine history doesn’t begin or end with him. The local museum that houses various artifacts and some memorabilia on the late President Roxas and other illustrious sons and daughters of Capiz, was built at the turn of the century and used to be an old watertank. Beside the “Ang Panubli-on” museum is a mini-park with a statue of President Roxas. This small enclosure also serves as a favorite hang-out of the local senior citizens and is a cozy, shady sanctuary in the sunny albeit humid city. A few steps away is the riverbanks area which is surprisingly very clean and well-maintained. While there are a few boats navigating its waters and offering rides, it has not been commercialized enough to cause undue pollution. Reminiscent of some American architectural influence, there is a grand pavilion referred to as the Roxas City Bandstand. Constructed in the 1920s by Jose Roldan, the first Filipino headmaster of the Capiz Trade School, it’s where one can take a photo with a picturesque background of the Panay River and the Roxas City bridge. Built in 1910, the Roxas City bridge also known as the old Capiz Bridge, connects the political center to the commercial areas of the city and has historically help usher in development to Capiz. A similar Western flavor can be seen in the city’s central water fountain which also serves as a “rotunda” of sorts for vehicular traffic. Lighting up in colors in the evenings, this fountain has the Provincial Capitol, the Metropolitan Cathedral and the City Hall bordering it from two sides. And somewhere in the busy maze of streets and ancient buildings is the ancestral home of President Roxas. But unlike most ancestral houses which have been transformed into self-supporting museums, theirs is still currently occupied by some descendants and hence, not open to the public. Nearby churches and belltowers are a testament to how entrenched the Spanish colonizers were in these parts. The Immaculate Conception Metropolitan Cathedral within the town plaza is one of the oldest in the region and was constructed with the blood and sweat of Filipinos coerced into Forced Labor by the Spaniards. Read any Filipino history book and know that many uprisings occurred in the region, including the Panay revolt of 1663 started by a babaylan turned Christian named Tapar. Near the very modern Government and Business Center and Villareal Stadium is another park with memorials to Capiz’ war heroes. One image on horseback is a tribute to General Esteban Contreras who rebelled against the Spanish and American colonizers with a motley crew of peasants. An obelisk-like structure as well as a smaller memorial with embossed names are dedicated to the heroes and victims of the Japanese Occupation in the 1940s. In fact, the nearby Capiz National High School with its famous 48-step staircase was once used as a Japanese garrison. Quite aptly, the office of the regional vice-president of the Veterans Federation of the Philippines is located nearby. Since I am allergic to most crustaceans, it took more than seafood for Capiz to impress me. But with its rich historical and cultural traits, as well as its natural beauty, I was completely enamored.

My Toni and Baby IV

Being in my early 40s, I finally made like Brad Pitt and became a parent. Of course that began with finding my own Angelina Jolie first. Right, Toni? ;) But I think my own Dad was roughly my age when I was born to him and my Mom. Funny that my partner, Toni is around my Mom’s age then, and we laugh about the many parallels we share with them now. My Dad used to joke that he was already having court hearings at Vigan’s city hall while my Mom was a high school student playing volleyball at nearby St. Paul’s campus in the 1950s. Meanwhile, I told Toni my first visit to Tuguegarao was in the early 2000s when I was with the National Amnesty Commission giving out amnesty grant certificates to former NPAs. I visited their Sts. Peter and Paul Cathedral and marvelled at the old house at a street corner where young Paulinians kept walking by. How was I supposed to know that was her Lola’s home and she could be one of those cute colegialas I was ogling. My parents had a 12-year age difference, while Toni and I have 13 years between us. Could that be a problem, you ask? Didn’t bother my parents then, and so far it hasn’t been an issue with Toni and myself. Her youth brings energy and laughter to our relationship, while my maturity hopefully gives a bit of stability and wisdom to our partnership. Like my Mom who came into a built-in family since my Dad had four young children from his previous marriage, I too became an instant parent with Toni’s 2 year old baby girl. And just as my step-brothers and sisters treated my Mom, I don’t think it matters to baby IV if I didn’t really have a biological participation in her coming into this world. She’s only concerned if I willingly wake up in the middle of the night to prepare her another bottle of milk, or if I help her mommy change her stinky diapers each time she soils them, and if I come home to them from work every day. And that explains why both baby and mommy don’t like it so much if I travel too long – they have separation anxiety and it disrupts their daily schedule of joining me for breakfast and of waiting for me for dinner. I honestly enjoy all the travelling associated with my official work and various advocacies. But lately, I am hesitant to leave for any trips that will involve more than 2 days. Although I still get excited about visiting new places, I always end up wishing Toni was with me and I couldn’t wait to go back home to see my little girl. Yes, there is a great “slowing down” happening in my life right now, but it doesn’t mean my world has stopped spinning or that my environment has “shrunk”. Parenthood just opened up new doors for me and my everyday life is like a merry-go-round and ferris’ wheel all rolled into one. Baby IV has us on a dizzying cycle of milk bottles, diaper changes, baths, feeding, and play times. There are lots of highs and lows of quality family bonding time at home, field trips to the zoo, emergency visits to the doctor, and pressure from extended expenses. Our bedroom once sacred and devoted to sleep and “sexy time” is now a venue for ruckus and rumpus even at 12 midnight. And as she is quickly growing up on us, she has learned to pick her own dresses and shop for her own shoes. Yup, she is already “Imeldific” at age 2 and a half. Yes, I have officially entered middle-age and my life is crazy, happy right now.

On My 43rd

This year’s birthday affirmed so many things for me and reminded me again what this singular life is made of. Once a year you get to look back and be grateful for being born on this earth, and you remember the important things. This year, I am especially thankful for my family, Toni and baby IV, and all the wonderful possibilities there is yet to come. Not all of my birthdays were happily spent, mind you. While I remember awesome celebrations of my youth like that costume party on my 7th birthday, and the unique “come-as-you-are”- themed debutante’s ball on my 18th, there were also great upheavals occurring on the eve of my natal day. There was the time I had to leave home and make it on my own, thereby cancelling a scheduled birthday party. There was a relationship break-up as well, that couldn’t have come at a more opportune occasion. There were also at least three (3) birthdays I had to be on the road for work. There was that time the Office sent me to La Union to conduct a Fact-Finding Investigation, another time I was sent to Region X for a KALAHI-CIDDS gender monitoring-exposure trip, and just last year, I was in Palawan to lecture on RA9994 to my dear senior citizens. At some point, the local officials took pity on me and threw me a bone. Then-FO X Regional Director Ester Versoza sent me to Camiguin island to cheer me up for my birthday in 2003, and the local social welfare officer of Puerto Princesa managed to arrange for us to visit the Underground River even if the tour was fully booked in May 2012. Every year, my physical body has several reminders for me too – a few more gray hairs on my head that needs to be dyed, that seeming proclivity for early bedtimes after skipping those late night outs, and that inevitable reliance on maintenance drugs to control my hypertension and high blood sugar. These are gentle reminders of our mortality and why we must make each day count before our final exit. I accept this with great humility as evidence of time passing. The amount of birthday greetings one receives is also a glaring proof of how many people you have met in this life and who actually remember you fondly. This is true even for your own family members and close friends. Your siblings and cousins may forget to greet you, but the one person you owe a tribute to is the woman who gave birth to you. I’ve known Moms who forget to greet their own child, but on my birthdays, the first person I always remember to call is my Mom. I always get her something to celebrate with – flowers or her favourite seafood goodies. So notice how my Facebook photos always features her every May 28th. And speaking of greetings, I have been fortunate to have “lived many lives” in my 40-something years. I treasure all the people I’ve met, all the places I’ve been to, and each and every life I’ve come to know. I marvel at how old classmates from high school re-surface just to greet me, how sorority sisters and fraternity brods from college who manage to re-connect with me after all these years, friends from law school who sneaked in a little time from their admittedly very busy work schedules for a short greeting. Know that like everyone else accumulating the years, when there is a seeming dearth of true friends, these bday greetings from all over the world are nevertheless deeply appreciated by yours-truly. For me, every birthday is living proof of life and love – how it touches and changes us. So never make it about just the years passing, remember to make it a celebration of life.

My "Jetsetting" 2012

In 2011, I complained about a hectic month of March which left me totally exhausted and in need of some rest & recreation. I spoke too soon, for my 2012 was just as busy, where each month was a whirlwind of travels addressing senior citizens concerns, solo parents amendments and LGBT issues. Not since 2006 did I get as much local and international trips. Unfortunately, these also came at the heels of a personal loss and an end of a relationship. My absence caused by all this running around was allegedly the cause of my break-up. But admittedly, just like before, I was probably just using my trips as an escape from my unhappy home. It began in March with a special invitation from a human rights colleague to join them in Geneva, Switzerland for the first ever United Nations Human Rights Council session tackling Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity (SOGI) issues or Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) rights. With the landmark report on the status of LGBTs around the world, both the UN Secretary-General Ban Ki Moon and UN High Commissioner on Human Rights Navi Pillay expressed full support for promoting and protecting the rights of LGBTs everywhere. Meanwhile, locally, I travelled to Calasiao, Pangasinan for a regional forum and assessment of Republic Act No. 9994 with the Senior Citizens Partylist congressional representative. This was to be followed by a visit to Tuguegarao City, Cagayan Valley in April where I experienced the hottest day in the year in the hottest place in the Philippines. But May was probably the craziest. I had a Bureau-wide Team-Building activity to start the month, a rushed Ilocos weekend with my Mom as is our wont every summer, before I headed for Sablayan, Occidental Mindoro for another Senior Citizens forum. I came back to Manila for Rainbow Rights Project’s 3-day Paralegal Training and then left again for Puerto Princesa, Palawan where I spent my 42nd birthday lecturing to another set of senior citizens. I never realized then how much of myself I was sacrificing already. That proved to be a crucial time, for when I came back again, I discovered my four and a half year old relationship was about to end. Although I was surprised, I did not feel too bad about the separation. It already took a long time coming and I considered my newfound freedom as a birthday gift. I promised myself I wouldn’t waste too much time, so I allowed myself to grieve for around a week and promised myself I’d start enjoying myself again. I opened myself up to possibilities, a chance to be happy once more. And it didn’t take long, because by the time I was on my next lecture engagement in Laguna for Region 4A’s seniors, I also had a new lovelife. Life goes on after all. By the end of June, I was excited to visit General Santos and Koronadal City for the first time. Although it was a week-long, fulltime, secretariat work for the DSWD Mid-year NMDC, I wanted to make the most of the experience. That week’s highlight was a taste of the “Pagana Maranao” ritual feast and trying out the highest zipline in the Philippines. At Lake Sebu, with a backdrop of several fantastic waterfalls, I took flight on one of the scariest ziplines for the sheer drop into one of the deepest gorges in the country. It was a “force of habot” - I always make it a point to make the most of my travels, After doing my official work, I always find time to enjoy myself. Work hard, play hard – that’s my motto. July entered with me leaving for Chiang Mai, Thailand to speak at an Asian regional women’s rights conference. It gave me a chance to reconnect with our women’s NGO networks and I bonded with some veteran women’s human rights defenders. I saw some Buddhist temples and got an authentic Thai Massage, before I rushed back to Manila so I can sneak in some quality time with my new partner, Toni in Iloilo and Guimaras island. That weekend was short but as sweet as the mangoes of that paradise isaland, Guimaras. I couldn’t bring myself to leave my new girlfriend just yet to give a talk in Albay, so I brought her with me to Legaspi City so she can also see the majestic Mt. Mayon. Difficult to mix one’s work with personal time, but sometimes we get lucky and manage to do so. While I originally planned for August to be somewhat of a respite, when I could finally move into a new place and adjust to a new homelife, more surprises were to come. Toni’s baby, Irene Venice arrived with her yaya as we settled into our rented house. But with new responsibilities in my personal life, there also came new assignments at work. A new sector was added unto my already full plate, the Solo Parents. But like always, it was a sector too close to home and hence, I felt a personal stake in it as well. I did back-to-back visits to Pampanga in Region 3, and to DSWD-NCR in Manila for Solo Parents Forum-Workshops, before closing the month with a return to Iloilo for another seniors talk AND solo parents forum. Before I knew it, I was going back to Geneva, Switzerland after getting accepted to a human rights and UN advocacy training programme. I finally got the chance to speak at a special panel-parallel activity on SOGI Those hectic 2 weeks was made worthwhile when I was able to see my nephew, Tudoy and his wife, Hani for a weekend site-seeing adventure. Unlike in March, I was finally able to go around and see Lake Geneva, the Swiss Alps, and do an Old Town Tour of Geneva’s ancient quarter. And even before I was over my jetlag, I was flying off to Tacloban and then to Bohol as soon as I arrived from Europe. The Solo Parents Forum-Workshops and Senior Citizens Regional Fora were still on-going after all. Ahh, no rest for those who toil. Yet about this time, I was beginning to feel a change in me. I wasn’t really too keen on going away on trips because I was missing Toni and Baby IV all the time. I promised myself I’ll bring them along if I can. The first week of October was again supposedly a rest period, with minimal participation in the annual Elderly Filipino Week celebrations. But I was “kidnapped” into attending a legislative advocacy workshop in Antipolo. Once again, I felt I was burning both ends of the candle, tiring myself out, when I could have spent the time better. As in Iloilo, Cagayan De Oro was a two-in-one official visit –with a regional forum for seniors and a forum-workshop on solo parents. It also gave me a chance to visit with old friends whom I promised to visit again come November. I skipped a river rafting adventure and settled for a simple spa massage in between my lectures. My body just couldn’t handle any more stress as it cried out its exhaustion. And while before I was always excited to go on trips, now I couldn’t wait to go home. I barely enjoyed that long Halloween weekend because I was sick, but I had to go off to Baguio for PDPB’s year-end assessment. In between that, I had to do one last Solo Parents Forum in San Fernando, La Union for Region 1. I managed to tag Toni along where she served as my “assistant”, operating my laptop for my powerpoint presentations. That was closely followed by a quick trip to Cagayan de Oro for a weekend forum on LGBT rights. Because of its proximity, I was able to visit one of my favourite islands – Camiguin. This was such a happy, relaxing time for me since I was with my GF, Toni and my good friends from Ladlad. As my Solo Parents duties came to a close, I took up my assigned areas for the Social Pension research project. I travelled to San Carlos City, Pangasinan where I went to conduct my first interviews with the social pension beneficiaries. I endured this because Toni came with me again, and she proved quite helpful with the interviews. So for my Loon, Bohol assignment, I dragged her along again. I noticed that by this time she’s already familiar with most of my talks, whether with senior citizens, solo parents or LGBT rights. Going on these trips with me exposed her to the work I do and helped her appreciate my work. By the time we went to Bacolod in December, I noticed the seniors actually prefer her and volunteer to be her interviewees. As the year slowly came to a close, I put myself on a timeline, and decided no more trips as the Christmas season approached. It was going to be purely family bonding and quality time. I still like going on my trips, but I find I have more fun if Toni tagged along with me. I see old places with new eyes and create memories with someone whose company I really enjoy. If she isn’t with me, I couldn’t wait to return home and be with her and baby. So now, I manage to keep my travels short, and insist that these trips are absolutely necessary before I embark on them. I also realized I have to rest and give my body a chance to recover. I am no spring chicken anymore, so I better slow down too.

For Ladlad

A few days ago someone tried to insult me by saying "Asa pa kayong pumasok ang Ladlad sa partylist...Wag na kayong mag-ambisyon..". Coming from a staff of another partylist whose own future looks very bleak, I simply took it with a grain of salt. At least I have faith in my own sector - the Filipino LGBT Community. I am not sure they still have the support of theirs. Watching them all these years, I learned a few valuable lessons as well. Firstly, mere membership or holding of an ID card doesnt mean you have their complete support...especially if it was forced down their throats for a fee. People will come to your side on their own, after being convinced of your sincerity to serve and the feasibility of your platform. It only happens when they know you are truly a member of your sector and are willing to work for the interests of everyone. Most of all, you must make them believe that you are not motivated by self-interest of ambition alone. So if you ever get lucky and managed to win a seat, never say "I don't owe you anything" knowing it's the national federation that got you the votes. For LGBTs like us, used to a hard life as we all are, we treasure a simple gesture of kindness, a welcoming smile, any sign of acceptance or approbation with no judgment whatsoever. I believe this attitude of humility and sense of gratitude is something our LADLAD nominees will bring with them when they get to Congress. I am reminded of one dedicated LADLAD coordinator in Region III, who during a typhoon rushed to save a LADLAD tarpaulin at the expense of his own safety in the rushing floodwaters. Finding out about his situation, Danton immediately sent some assistance to him. That is more than i can say for this partylist representative who didnt even personally visit the wake of a loyal member, especially since that member died while campaigning for him. I also remember how we all rallied to support our brothers and sisters in Baguio City when they were in the midst of the gay wedding controversy. I remember how we sent assistance to our Sendong-stricken brothers and sisters in Cagayan de Oro, in cash and in actual goods with the sense of urgency comparable only to DSWD. But be it narrow-minded councilors in Baguio or LGBT-friendly local legislators in Cebu and Davao, we send our LGBT voices over to them to express support and solidarity. And we are being HEARD, and being SEEN, all over the Philippines now. It is this national "fervor" we are now seeing in our Ladlad members and coordinators everywhere. Clearly, while I see their sector breaking up, other associations from other regions getting COMELEC accreditation to represent their sector, I see a consolidation of ours. Leaving behind varied political ideologies in the meantime, we have come together as one bright and colorful community under LADLAD. Yes, I dare to dream LADLAD will get a seat. Mabuhay ang LADLAD

Guimaras in July

And so it was,..an escape, a perfect get-away, a hideaway both for healing hearts, and making new memories A time to welcome the sunshine into your life again, the freedom in the rolling surf and sea breeze, the calmness of the waters, and the gentleness of the sunset. Gorge in the sweetness of the famed mangoes, savor its taste, its freshness the surprise each derived product brings, the prospects and possibilties of what else can be enjoyed. Guimaras is about taking chances, a leap of faith that begins first with a flight, then a seemingly short cruise and a cross-country trek that doesn't promise much until you come out on the other end of the island...and then, the rest of your Life begins..again