Secrets of Secluded Tuburan

The next day, we left early again. This time, it was in the opposite direction as we travelled to Tuburan, a coastal municipality on the other side of Cebu province. To cut our travel time, we were to cross over a central mountain range in the middle of the island. But we had to time our trip carefully so as to avoid the dangerous fog that made visibility difficult on the tortuous path. As we zig-zagged through the roads, the altitude likewise changed and we encountered some expected fog along the way. It made for some cool, even extra chilly, weather that reminded me so much of Tagaytay and Baguio during the rainy season. Tuburan is a small municipality which served as a port area for those travelling from Cebu to the neighboring island of Negros. Facing Tanon Strait, its pier is primarily for fishing-related activities and small vessels crossing over to Negros Oriental to ferry passengers. We proceeded to conduct our interviews at the office of the local social welfare officer. At least the seniors of Barili had their own building although they shared it with Persons with Disabilities (PWDs) and the kids of Day Care. Tuburan’s elderly had no such facility and we were all cramped in the Social Welfare Office, within hearing distance from each other. I saw one of the Lolas take my partner, Toni’s hand and volunteered to go first. As with our experience in Barili, we needed a Cebuano translator for our questions. Fortunately, I understood a little Bisaya and some of the seniors can understand English, but Tagalog is a language not quite useful in these parts. Like Barili, Tuburan is a “poorest of the poor” municipality and its populace are not of the “educated” sort. Most of these elderly only reached elementary education. Consider also the generation of these seniors whose parents put them to work in the fields and fishports as soon as they could to help with their family’s subsistence. Besides workforce considerations, I assume “early marriages” also contributed to the numerous children of these elderly. Most of them have an average of 8 to 9 kids, believe it or not. Yet we also found a possible candidate for the Centenarian Act gratuity award – an elderly woman who was past a 100 years old. As is my wont, after the interviews, I asked to be shown what Tuburan was all about. Fortunately, nearby was their “mini-museum” of sorts. Being the hometown of Gen. Arcadio Maxilom, a known Cebuano revolutionary who fought the Spaniards, a library and mini-museum is housed in a portion of the Tuburan municipal hall. With just a handful of artifacts and antiques that barely filled the room because most of the donors decided to bring home their family heirlooms, the townspeople clearly recognize the importance of their Cebuano heritage. Even the municipal hall itself with its original hardwood stairs and flooring could very well be a part of the historical displays. Afterwards, the municipal tourism officer went with us to guide us to their tourist nature sites. In Tuburan, it is not only human beings who can last long and grow to a ripe old age. They boast of a century-old tree that is so big, it is also known to be the palace of creatures from another world. Even the dry riverbed beside this giant tree is known for many supernatural stories such as the shining, golden ship that traverses it whenever waters flood this old waterway. Walking on this old riverbed with rocks that ranged from baseball size to basketballs, and a thick vegetation of deep forest trees all around, the scene can come straight from the pages of the “Lord of the Rings”, I tell you. Tuburan got its name from the numerous springs that abound in the area. One famous freshwater mountain spring is Molobolo which appears as a natural swimming pool beside a hill still planted to its original forest trees. This “bukal. is found so close to the coastline, its waters empty into the nearby beach and its saltwater sea. While there are a few huts and a canteen for food and beverages for visitors, the place can still do with a lot of improvements for its facilities to attract tourists. A cool dip in these waters – freshwater spring or the nearby beach would be so inviting to anyone in the summer heat I am sure. On the way back to Metro Cebu, we couldn’t resist the fresh fruit and vegetables for sale along the road. We got some very sweet bananas and yellow corn for our meryenda. After all the chicharon the previous day, this was a welcome diet, of course. Reflecting on our interviews the past two days, everything I heard from the seniors, and all I saw of the Cebu countryside, I felt very fortunate once again to have met new people and to have seen places not many visitors to Cebu get to see. What started as an unwelcome assignment became another experience to be cherished in my memory.

Quaint and Historic Carcar

Carcar City is a perfect example of how socio-political and religious life were so intermingled during the Spanish era. In the olden times, the municipal center is where the parish, its convent or rectory, the plaza, and a school usually converge. The nearer your residence is to the church, the higher is your family’s status in the community. So one should always be mindful of where you ancestral home is located. Today, the heart of Carcar City is the area where their old church, St.Catherine’s parish, the St. Catherine Catholic school, the public elementary school, and the city museum are situated. The old church alone is a sight to see and is comparable to the churches of Ilocos, Iloilo, and Bohol. St. Catherine’s has the same elaborate artwork on its ceiling, its interior lined with numerous images of saints, and its pillars marked by names of illustrious members of the community long –deceased. The traditional pulpit from where Sunday sermons are given still stand, perfectly preserved. And while the new pews have been commissioned to serve the parishioners, a few classically-designed pews made from solid Narra wood are still around. After gazing in amazement at the wondrous surroundings, I made my token three wishes for being a first time visitor at the church. At this point, I found Toni buying some candles from a little girl in a student’s uniform. After a short chat, I saw Toni pay her and give her a little extra cash. Later, Toni would tell me the little girl just came out of her classes but regularly sells candles by the church to help out with family expenses. Being a working student herself at one point, I understood why Toni sympathized with the child. Our next must-see stop was the Carcar Museum. Known as the Old Carcar Dispensary, it was a puericulture center once, a small nursing hospital which had a dispensary for giving out medication for women and children. Its very purpose and unique architecture speaks of the American influence on the township. It boasts of ornately-decorated balconies, mini-canopy- roofings and latticework straight out of the movie “Somewhere in Time”. It’s immaculate white paint completes the picture of a circa-1920s infrastructure, but inside are artifacts and antiques that go as far back as the 1800s. Depicted inside is the history and evolution of Cebu province, its indigenous culture, the Spanish and American influence that resulted in its unique Cebuano heritage. Before exiting Carcar, we just had to drop by for its famous chicharon. At the roadside pasalubong cum reststop, you can choose from pork rinds that have been perfectly “puffed”, salty, spicy, and sour chicharon, with or without “laman” or some vestige of meat attached to the skin, pork “cracklets” as well as the traditional rice puffs or “ampao”. So much for my midnight snack that evening.

Bucolic and Peaceful Barili

Arriving at the inconspicuous municipality of Barili, the local social welfare officer had made all necessary preparations and our elderly interviewees were patiently waiting already. After a brief introduction, we immediately proceeded to conduct our interviews which was made quicker because my partner, Toni was helping me out. I thought the day would pass uneventfully until the staff shared a story about a recently deceased senior citizen who claimed his social pension. I laughed, thinking it was a joke, until I saw they were actually serious. Apparently, we were discussing a supernatural encounter that still gives them goosebumps until now. They explained that the sick senior citizen wasn’t able to claim his pension during the previous pay-out and a week before the next quarterly pay-out, his family already informed the LGU staff about his passing. However, on the day itself, they were too busy to remember his death that the social welfare aide didn’t think any of it when she guided him to a chair and the municipal treasurer handed him his 1,500 cash. Only when they were finishing up did the old man’s daughter approach them and complain that she hadn’t been called to receive her father’s pension. It dawned on them that all of them actually saw the old man and lo and behold, even their attendance sheet contained an actual signature. However, counting their cash again, they discovered they still had the 1,500 that his daughter was entitled to. Weird you say, but the old man’s family is rumoured to be involved in some supernatural practices, including keeping a unusual animal as a familiar. Ah, the folklore in these parts! Before leaving though, I asked to see some sites their locality is proud of. Immediately, the MSWDO brought us to their old church. The parish used to be a district head, a “cabeza del partido” which had jurisdiction over other churches in southwestern Cebu and was only one of two secular parishes outside the city. It was smallish and the interior clearly had been remodelled already. It retained some of its original limestone foundation and walls though, some capiz shell windows and I suspect, the original bronze bell cherished by most churches as much as their statuettes and other relics. Dedicated to St. Anne, the original parish was built near the river but natural calamities kept destroying it. The present church was built around 1889 on a donated lot in its current location. Here we bought some candles to light from a few old ladies. Peddling their wares near the church, these female senior citizens find efficient use for their time finding a source of income for their families, at the same time being able to socialize with their fellow elderly. Next was their Mantayupan Falls, an easily accessible nature preserve and possible source of hydro power. It consists of three “miniature” waterfalls and a medium-size falls, but with the amount of water flowing, one can guess the power it can generate. There are also basic facilities for those who want to swim, reminiscent of Hinulugang Taktak in Rizal, but the real beauty of the site is to enjoy nature in its most raw form. I particularly appreciated Mantayupan Falls not just for its waterfalls, but for how close it can bring you to nature. On the way back, I convinced Ms.Temie to drop by Carcar if we had the time. Our driver graciously acquiesced to my request and I learned Carcar had more than just tasty pork rinds to be proud of.

Off The Beaten Path Series: Cross-Country Cebu

Off the Beaten Path Series: Cross-country in Cebu When people talk about going to Cebu, it’s usually about going around Cebu City proper and its nearby beaches in Mactan Island. It’s rare that people get to know the rest of Cebu as a province. Early this year, we were rushing to finish a research on the implementation of the Social Pension Program for seniors. I got assigned some far-flung municipalities in Cebu as well as Bohol. While I once did a “cross-country” trip of Negros island, I had never done so in Cebu. Touching down in Cebu, I quickly headed off to our Field Office to discuss our itinerary with the Focal Person for Senior Citizens, Ms.Temie. She said the towns of Tuburan and Barili were in opposite directions and we have to allot one day each for said visits. Travel time from Cebu city proper would average two hours each, so we had to leave at around 6:30 or 7:00 AM each morning. I guess I am one of the lucky ones who manage to do official work and still have time to appreciate the places I visit. Maybe it’s the adventurer in me, or the smart traveller, that makes it a point to make each trip worthwhile by seeing something new all the time. So we left early the next day, and headed south in the direction of Carcar City, a name synonymous with tasty Cebu chicharon. We took the coastal road that sent us across the port areas and gave a view of the channel as well as the open sea. We traversed Talisay City to San Fernando for a view of the rest of Cebu before we cut across to Carcar City. Always with an eye for old, turn-of-the century houses and colonial Churches, I observed how the rest of Cebu was touched by the Spanish occupation.

This Being the National Family Week

This being the National Filipino Family Week, I've decided to write about some things that have been bugging me for quite some time. When people talk about "family", it always relates to "children", "marriage" and "the home". They always connect it with "wholesome" things...sometimes even Christian values and nation-building. Always "family" is about the politically-correct, the highly "acceptable" and society's "noble" aims. Yet the reality is that family matters also deal with sensitive subjects as sex, domestic violence, and child abuse. The basic societal unit that is the Family is faced with challenges attended by sexual infidelity, alcoholism, drug addiction, separations and abandonment. "Broken homes" are more prevalent than ever and issue of teen pregnancies is still a concern, but didn't quite work as an argument to support sex education and the RH law. God forbid, where does "the Family" stand now in terms of LGBT rights and SOGI issues? But avoid it as much as we can, nowhere else is LGBT human rights and the issue of sexual orientation and gender identity more relevant than in the realm of the home and family. Although there is still a common misconception that "homosexuality automaticall equals pedophilia", and "ALL LGBTs are sexual predators", maybe people should take a look again at child sexual abuse statistics. Facts and figure have consstently shown that a great percentage of child abuse is committed by adult males against female girls. Clearly, pedophiles and pederasts are not just gay men, and very rarely do we hear about lesbian pedophiles. Instead of looking at LGBTs as perpetrators all the time, let's take the additional lens of "minority" and look at the case of LGBT youth. For child rights advocates, it's time to do something for young LGBTs who get subjected to corporal punishment by their parents. Ask adult LGBTs now, and 8 out of 10 will say they experienced their first instance of discrimination or violence from their own families. Parents who couldn't accept their kids' homosexual tendencies resort to desperate measures - from verbal to physical abuse, to taking them out of school and depriving them of education, to subjecting lesbian daughters to corrective rapes. Ever listen to Gloc9's rap song "Sirena"? That simply came from a bad joke about a father who kept dunking his gay son in a barrel of water while asking him if he was a boy or a girl..eventually the almost drowned son gasps "I'm a mermaid". Documentation and researches done by LGBT activists about Pinoy LGBTs identified families and homes as one of the primary societal institutions that perpetrate homophobia, discrimination and violence. While one's family and home is usually a person's sanctuary, a refuge and a source of solace...for LGBTs who are not accepted by their parents, it is a great stressor. So for an LGBT who is already unable to come out to classmates, friends or officesmates, or is regularly subjected to discrimination in the community, there is simply nowehere to run if even your family doesn't have your back. Again, for young LGBTs, when the personal turmoil caused by one's sexual orientation and gender identity proves too much to bear, it drives many to self-destructive behavior like substance abuse and even suicide attempts. Ask any "out" LGBT, and while they many seem stable and confident now, you wll be surprised how many passed the stage of attempting to hurt themselves when they were young and scared. Recently, I have been interviewed by several psychology students from an assortment of schools and universities like Perpetual Help-Binan, Letran, San Beda, and PUP. I am happy to note that many of them have an honest-to-goodness desire to contribute to the database of knowledge on LGBT psyche and to recommend more positive strategies in dealing with LGBT issues. One thesis is looking into how supportive parents and families influenced well-adjusted and successful adult LGBTs, another research is touching on the effect of LGBT advocacy groups on more LGBT individuals "coming-out of the closet" and living honest, productive lives, and another study is about the increasing visibility and availability of "positive" LGBT role models for the young. I remember the days when it was only Margie Holmes who gave a respectful and sympathetic perspective of LGBTs. And even when the Psychological Association of the Philippines (PAP) already gave a position supportive of LGBT human rights, many psychologists and psychiatrists still went on Philippine TV to promote gay conversion therapy and call homosexuality a mental disorder. Heck, both the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association removed inversion and homosexuality from the list of mental disorders in the 1970s! While many women NGOs have taken up the cudgels for LGBT rights, I am still hoping more child rights advocates will also stand with us. Most of all, those working for "strengthening and keeping the Filipino family together" consider how LGBTs are treated within our own families. Even with the theme "Unity Across the Generations", ever wonder what happens to ageing and sick LGBTs who have long been disowned by their families and are now alone and impoverished? Who takes care of these "golden gays"? And what about children of LGBT parents, will you add to the stigma and marginalization by not recognizing their households as "real families"? Just because the DepEd course modules still teach the "traditional" family composition of "father, mother, kuya, ate, baby, Dog Tagpi and Miming, the Cat...shall we continue to emphasize gender roles and patriarchal systems, instead of true family values of love, respect and mutual support? I have recently become a parent and this concept of family has more meaning to me than ever...I try to inculcate in my kid everything I learned from my parents and my own family ever since childhood. But while she has enough male role models to look up to, I don't think she bothers too much with gender stereotypes. What is important to her is that we eat breakfast together, say "goodnight" and "I love you" before we go to sleep, and walk hand-in-hand whenever we go out. It seems clear to her that THAT IS what we mean by FAMILY..

Why My Personal IS Political

I’ve always said my life is an open book; what you see is what you get. One of my friends even say knowing me is like reading a good book. With the recent popularity of social media sites, everybody has taken to the internet to reconnect with the rest of humanity - me included. We all post blow-by-blow accounts of how our day went on our status, post photos from trips and of activities, advertise and announce plans, etc. Like many others, I also post stuff about the current state of my lovelife and while I certainly make some family members and acquaintances cringe from all the mushiness, I have to admit I do it consciously. I am an LGBT activist, a human rights defender of sexual minorities. My advocacy work is a difficult one because unlike certain public interest causes like the environment, women’s welfare or children’s rights which enjoy some popularity, mine still doesn’t have that degree of “acceptability”. Imagine it as a numberline; while others start off at “zero”, LGBT advocates begin at “negative 1”. While no one would openly challenge the legitimacy of advocating for the environment or the human rights of other sectors, we always have to contend with opposition from the religious and the conservatives. Moreover, as human rights defenders, we not only fight for the rights of others, but for our own. We know what we are talking about because we are victims ourselves, or are actually exposed to the very same risks. Nowhere else is the saying “what is political IS personal” than in LGBT rights advocacy. Thus, indulge me as I post sometimes very sensitive matters, topics which may still seem “controversial” to some such as same-sex couples, transgender rights, or gay parenting. That is exactly my objective – to sensitize my friends and colleagues to LGBT issues through a peek at my own life. Indeed, I am still your sister, your cousin, your best friend, your classmate, your sorority sister. We grew up in the same household, played together, had the same upbringing, yet I still ended up falling in love with a person of the same sex. I studied and worked beside you, worried for exams and had crazy fun as you at university. You liked me then and befriended me for the person I was…does it matter now that I am married to another female? You may not like it about how I share my happiness at falling deeply in love, the same way that you offered no sympathy for each heartache I experienced because you believe relationships like ours were not meant to be. But I want you to be on the same emotional roller-coaster ride and decide for yourself if my experiences were any different from yours when you met your future husband or broke up with your first love. Today, we worry about the same things – doing household chores, paying bills, raising our kids. We go to work, we change jobs, we sometimes even go to church on Sundays and visit our elderly parents. I suspect we view our concerns with the same importance as you do yours. So tell me again why we need to be treated differently? Let me just say this – when I first had a lesbian wedding thirteen years ago, not everyone we invited came. They made up flimsy excuses such as doing some grocery shopping or overtime work at the office. Family members couldn’t believe it and even laughed. When I had another commitment ceremony this year, well-wishers were congratulating me for three straight weeks. Greetings came from all over the globe - from former classmates, to sorority sisters, ex-colleagues and even to officemates. Finally, the world had changed enough for people to understand how significant this day was for me…Finally, people know enough to allow me my happiness in this life, too.

A Poem (for Toni)

"The moment my lips touched yours, we sealed a promise that our hearts conveyed over hundreds of miles and numerous phone calls I was yours, as you were mine; hands clasping for the first time, we embarked on a journey that proved to be the adventure of a lifetime. It will culminate in a celebration, a sharing of mutual vows, bonds that will never be broken, as yearning turned to reality the day we found each other..." gpL 8/9/2013

When the Fruit Falls Far from the Tree (The Disappointment that is Lagman)

They always say a fruit doesn't fall far from the tree..but so it goes that some offsprings are often big disappointments compared to their parents. Too often have we seen this in the Philippine setting. The LGBT Community was one with the women's sector in supporting Edcel Lagman's RH bill, and rightly so for this concerns gender and sexuality issues that go beyond female sexual and reproductive rights and health. Now, his son turns around and betrays us. Grex Lagman's bill seeking to punish LGBTs who have affairs with married folk is an obvious over-reaction after the nation's seeming preoccupation with the telenovela "My Husband's Lover". For those living deceptive married lives, this show clearly raised some ghosts and it has scared many people in heterosexual relationships who are by no means monogamous and faithful. Lagman, Jr. claims this is a step towards "gender equality", but his intentions are painfully misguided. As a lawyer, he should have known that the "gender equality" being proposed in harmonizing the Revised Penal Code's adultery and concubinage provisions relates to the circumstances by how the offenses are committed. Married women are easily punished under the adultery provision while married men's infidelity is harder to prove under the concubinage provision. Remembering one's criminal law from the college of law, even mere suspicion of a woman's conduct makes her liable while a man must be proven to have brought home his mistress or has actually put her up or maintains her some place. The equal treatment of sexual infidelity under the law is the objective here. For LGBTs, this will only reinforce the stigmatization of same-sex relations. Grex Lagman obviously doesn't grasp the real situation of Pinoy LGBTs who by virtue of the prevalent homophobia, many are forced to enter into heterosexual relationships. It is because of societal pressures that they eventually get married, but in the long run still fall back into the homosexual proclivities. So because of this "weakness of character" and sheer cowardice, LGBTs will now be doubly punished for living secret lives and their same-sex lovers along with them. Already in many annulment cases and child custody battles, an alleged homosexual or lesbian affair is thrown in to muddle the issue and portray one party to be immoral and unfit as a parent. Now, besides this family law complication, an LGBT who has decided to be true to himself or herself will run the risk of being criminally sanctioned as well. This is a "no-win" situation for Pinoy LGBTs...because you were a "coward and stupid enough to get married", you stand no chance at achieving happiness or even a respite from your lie-of-a-married life. Similarly, woe to an LGBT lover who falls for a legally married partner. The "misery" currently being experienced by Filipino LGBTs from homophobia and discrimination every day of their lives is bad enough...no need to add unto this suffering by criminalizing them. I believe the Filipino LGBT Community's "real" friends and supporters in the women's advocacy, as well as enlightened legislators and policy-makers truly comprehend this, not just those masquerading as gender advocates and human rights defenders.

Captivating Capiz 2: Visiting Panay

My travel agent, Ms. Vickie and her family took an unintended holiday to serve as our tour guides the day we arrived in Capiz. Eager to make our first visit memorable, she took us to the nearby municipality of Panay which also happens to be her husband’s hometown. Panay is the second Spanish settlement founded by Miguel Lopez de Legaspi when they left Cebu for lack of food. With meandering river networks criss-crossing the land and the lush mangroves constantly inundated by the sea’s tides, food sources were clearly abundant. The Spanish then built ports that were used for the galleon trades and even a shipyard at one time for constructing their boats. One river channel actually boasts of a sunken galleon, and when it’s low tide, some fishermen claim they can still see part of it under water. Unfortunately, this attraction has been closed to the public when some local politician insisted on claiming it’s on his private property. Besides being one of the oldest towns in the Philippines, Panay was also the original capital of Capiz. Crossing over from Roxas City proper to Panay town, Ms. Vickie pointed out that the bridge was destroyed and blown up numerous times in history; but that has saved them from virtual massacres that happened to Roxas City’s people. Houses along the road enroute to the famous Sta. Monica Church used to be so numerous, but they were also burned down by the Spaniards after discovering these were Katipuneros’ homes. In church, they wore these red bandanas on their necks while attending mass as a sign of protest until the local friars found out. What remains now are rebuilt homes of the descendants of these early settlers. Sta.Monica Church is already a common tourist destination in the travel brochures. As one of the oldest in the Philippines, it was the first parish established on Panay island. Like its contemporaries, this church was constructed by the Augustinians, hence, its imposing and formidable design. Made up of coralstones bound by molasses and eggs, it has side supports similar to the church in Paoay, Ilocos Norte. It boasts of a gigantic bell – the largest, and possibly, the heaviest in Asia. While it has a replica of equal size near the church entrance and beside the convent, the actual bell is housed in the 5-story belltower. One must climb the 60-or-so steps of some very steep stairs and brave the heights before one can experience its magnificence. Constructed using 70 sacks of coins collected from the townspeople, the bell was cast in 1878 and weighs 10.4 tons. At 7 feet in height and 5 feet in diameter, it dwarfs its companions, the 8 other bells that share its tower. There is also a clock on this belfry, but its mechanical contraption has long ceased to be. One can still see its old, rusted mechanism on the last platform before the bells. They say when the bell tolls, it can be heard for miles across the plains of Capiz, the same area that can be viewed from atop the belltower. The church and its giant bell aren’t the only attractions at Sta. Monica. Beside it is the parish convent that houses both the parish office and the church museum. Although recognized as a National Historical Landmark by the National Historical Institute in 1997, Museo de Sta.Monica was only opened in 2008. The museum contains church relics and artifacts that range from old priestly garbs to statues and carvings of saints and other religious images, to even remnants of the original hardwood used as church foundations which can be bought as souvenirs. Most interesting was the Old Spanish Well at the back of the church. Still intact in its original state, it has long dried up, but it once served as an important water source for many generations. Beside it are 12 pots of chilli pepper plants reminiscent of the same potted plants sent over by Miguel Lopez de Legaspi, the first Governor-General to King Phillip and Queen Isabella of Spain from the settlement of Panay, Capiz. Sta. Monica has its own local tour guide, and he explained that the church compound used to be built like the walled city of Intramuros. Not only was it a church, it also served as a fortress for the Spaniards. Hence, throughout history, even the Americans and Japanese used it as a military fort. And as a grim reminder, the area at the back of the compound used to be a dumping ground for those executed by the Spanish and Japanese alike. It is said that there used to be a dirt path going to a cemetery, but sometimes soldiers didn’t even bother for a decent burial anymore. Hence, it is no wonder that people tell of eerie stories in the area. Although now densely populated and with several constructed houses, people still speak of hearing strange moans and groans, of women and children crying in the dead hours of the night. It is also not surprising that some houses seem unoccupied and have difficulty selling. Ms. Vickie admits even her sensitive-travel agent friend who came for a visit complained of feeling weird about the place when they dropped by the church. The richness of the historic significance of Panay cannot be highlighted enough. Ms. Vickie’s own home is evidence in itself. As her husband, Marlo’s ancestral house, their family heirlooms alone make for interesting museum pieces. In fact, Ms. Vickie was right on the mark as she is in the process of transforming their home into a mini museum. She has bricks from the old sugar central, original bottles from the Spanish distilleries, porcelain plates and genuine, heavy duty silverware. In their backyard, while they were developing it as a restaurant and butterfly garden, they uncovered an old Japanese latrine-bath area. Old folks say it was because the neighboring public school was also used by the Japanese during World War II as their headquarters. And so this lends credence to the fact there may be hidden treasures in and around Capiz itself, as some Japanese tourists keep coming back to the province with strange maps, looking for secret locations even the locals know nothing about. A taste of Capiz left me wanting more, and so I promised Ms. Vickie, and myself, I will return one day for another sampling on Capiz’ wonders.

My Vows for Toni

(my wedding vows..to remind me for the rest of my life) My Dearest Toni, I stand before you now, ready to take the next big step towards having a life together. You came to me unexpectedly, bringing joy and sunshine just when I needed it most. You brought me laughter, you brought me peace. Most of all, you gave me strength. These are things you gave freely, willingly and maybe even without realizing it. Every day, for over a year now, you make me feel your love and sometimes it leaves me speechless and in awe. Never have I felt so cherished and loved as when I am with you. I still marvel at how easily and how quickly you seem to fit into my world…that finally, everything is perfect. I now know that the Universe indeed conspires to make things happen if it’s meant to be. Today, I give you my heart and everything that I am, as I take you as my spouse; I promise to love you and care for you, to put you and our family first before any thing or any one. I will be your shelter and your sanctuary, as you are mine; I promise to always be here for you, never leaving your side whether in good times or in bad. I will wholeheartedly share with you every thought, every smile or tear, and give you all the honesty your trust deserves. Most of all, I promise to be worthy of your love and all the patience, understanding and respect this life-long bond requires of us. I hold your hand now, clasped within my own, never more certain or prepared to face the future with you as I become your partner for life. I love you very much.

Captivated by Capiz, Enamored with Roxas City

The first thing my friends told me when they found out I was going to Capiz was to bring some garlic and/or salt with me to ward off the infamous aswangs. That impression is by far the single most notorious belief about Capiz, and I would say rather unfairly too. To dispel any other myths and misconceptions about Capiz, the locals organized an Aswang Festival a few years back. Their way of poking fun at themselves and their detractors upset the clergy and convinced them it was a bad idea. The apparent influence of the Church in these parts just shows the religiosity of its people, contrary to its reputation of being the land of the aswangs. Landing in Roxas City, I got a great view of the sea and the nearby beaches. Although in the same region as Iloilo, Guimaras and Boracay, Capiz is not well-known among avid beach-goers as a popular tourist destination. Yet I am told that it boasts of the same pristine waters and white, powdery sand in many of its islands and coastal areas. In fact, nearby Olotayan Island, just a few minutes boatride from Roxas City can give Boracay a run for its money. Fortunately, one of Capiz’ redeeming qualities is its being known as the Seafood Capital of thePhilippines. If anyone wants to gorge on shellfish, seaweed and a wide array of bounty-from-the-sea, this is the place to head off to. With its coastline and river networks still abundant with mangroves, it’s no wonder crabs, shrimps, clams and oysters are teeming in these waters. While there are actually many restaurants within Roxas City to have your fill of seafood, a good place to go to is the Seafood Court and People’s Park at BaybayBeach. Just a stone’s throw away from DILG Secretary Mar Roxas’ home, its open area has a short promenade and a great view of the nearby islands – Mantalinga and Olotayan. The beachline is currently being renovated with establishments being moved away from the coastline itself, but numerous seafood restaurants and resorts line this boulevard of sorts. For the budget conscious, there are many cheap hotels in the city proper. Most lodgings are reasonably priced and within walking distance from food establishments. Tricycles, the major mode of transport in these parts, are easily available at every turn and will take you anywhere within Roxas City for a mere P8.00 fare. Most tourist sites are also quite accessible. Named after its most famous son, the first President of the Philippine Republic Manuel Roxas, the city’s significance in Philippine history doesn’t begin or end with him. The local museum that houses various artifacts and some memorabilia on the late President Roxas and other illustrious sons and daughters of Capiz, was built at the turn of the century and used to be an old watertank. Beside the “Ang Panubli-on” museum is a mini-park with a statue of President Roxas. This small enclosure also serves as a favorite hang-out of the local senior citizens and is a cozy, shady sanctuary in the sunny albeit humid city. A few steps away is the riverbanks area which is surprisingly very clean and well-maintained. While there are a few boats navigating its waters and offering rides, it has not been commercialized enough to cause undue pollution. Reminiscent of some American architectural influence, there is a grand pavilion referred to as the Roxas City Bandstand. Constructed in the 1920s by Jose Roldan, the first Filipino headmaster of the Capiz Trade School, it’s where one can take a photo with a picturesque background of the Panay River and the Roxas City bridge. Built in 1910, the Roxas City bridge also known as the old Capiz Bridge, connects the political center to the commercial areas of the city and has historically help usher in development to Capiz. A similar Western flavor can be seen in the city’s central water fountain which also serves as a “rotunda” of sorts for vehicular traffic. Lighting up in colors in the evenings, this fountain has the Provincial Capitol, the Metropolitan Cathedral and the City Hall bordering it from two sides. And somewhere in the busy maze of streets and ancient buildings is the ancestral home of President Roxas. But unlike most ancestral houses which have been transformed into self-supporting museums, theirs is still currently occupied by some descendants and hence, not open to the public. Nearby churches and belltowers are a testament to how entrenched the Spanish colonizers were in these parts. The Immaculate Conception Metropolitan Cathedral within the town plaza is one of the oldest in the region and was constructed with the blood and sweat of Filipinos coerced into Forced Labor by the Spaniards. Read any Filipino history book and know that many uprisings occurred in the region, including the Panay revolt of 1663 started by a babaylan turned Christian named Tapar. Near the very modern Government and Business Center and Villareal Stadium is another park with memorials to Capiz’ war heroes. One image on horseback is a tribute to General Esteban Contreras who rebelled against the Spanish and American colonizers with a motley crew of peasants. An obelisk-like structure as well as a smaller memorial with embossed names are dedicated to the heroes and victims of the Japanese Occupation in the 1940s. In fact, the nearby Capiz National High School with its famous 48-step staircase was once used as a Japanese garrison. Quite aptly, the office of the regional vice-president of the Veterans Federation of the Philippines is located nearby. Since I am allergic to most crustaceans, it took more than seafood for Capiz to impress me. But with its rich historical and cultural traits, as well as its natural beauty, I was completely enamored.

My Toni and Baby IV

Being in my early 40s, I finally made like Brad Pitt and became a parent. Of course that began with finding my own Angelina Jolie first. Right, Toni? ;) But I think my own Dad was roughly my age when I was born to him and my Mom. Funny that my partner, Toni is around my Mom’s age then, and we laugh about the many parallels we share with them now. My Dad used to joke that he was already having court hearings at Vigan’s city hall while my Mom was a high school student playing volleyball at nearby St. Paul’s campus in the 1950s. Meanwhile, I told Toni my first visit to Tuguegarao was in the early 2000s when I was with the National Amnesty Commission giving out amnesty grant certificates to former NPAs. I visited their Sts. Peter and Paul Cathedral and marvelled at the old house at a street corner where young Paulinians kept walking by. How was I supposed to know that was her Lola’s home and she could be one of those cute colegialas I was ogling. My parents had a 12-year age difference, while Toni and I have 13 years between us. Could that be a problem, you ask? Didn’t bother my parents then, and so far it hasn’t been an issue with Toni and myself. Her youth brings energy and laughter to our relationship, while my maturity hopefully gives a bit of stability and wisdom to our partnership. Like my Mom who came into a built-in family since my Dad had four young children from his previous marriage, I too became an instant parent with Toni’s 2 year old baby girl. And just as my step-brothers and sisters treated my Mom, I don’t think it matters to baby IV if I didn’t really have a biological participation in her coming into this world. She’s only concerned if I willingly wake up in the middle of the night to prepare her another bottle of milk, or if I help her mommy change her stinky diapers each time she soils them, and if I come home to them from work every day. And that explains why both baby and mommy don’t like it so much if I travel too long – they have separation anxiety and it disrupts their daily schedule of joining me for breakfast and of waiting for me for dinner. I honestly enjoy all the travelling associated with my official work and various advocacies. But lately, I am hesitant to leave for any trips that will involve more than 2 days. Although I still get excited about visiting new places, I always end up wishing Toni was with me and I couldn’t wait to go back home to see my little girl. Yes, there is a great “slowing down” happening in my life right now, but it doesn’t mean my world has stopped spinning or that my environment has “shrunk”. Parenthood just opened up new doors for me and my everyday life is like a merry-go-round and ferris’ wheel all rolled into one. Baby IV has us on a dizzying cycle of milk bottles, diaper changes, baths, feeding, and play times. There are lots of highs and lows of quality family bonding time at home, field trips to the zoo, emergency visits to the doctor, and pressure from extended expenses. Our bedroom once sacred and devoted to sleep and “sexy time” is now a venue for ruckus and rumpus even at 12 midnight. And as she is quickly growing up on us, she has learned to pick her own dresses and shop for her own shoes. Yup, she is already “Imeldific” at age 2 and a half. Yes, I have officially entered middle-age and my life is crazy, happy right now.

On My 43rd

This year’s birthday affirmed so many things for me and reminded me again what this singular life is made of. Once a year you get to look back and be grateful for being born on this earth, and you remember the important things. This year, I am especially thankful for my family, Toni and baby IV, and all the wonderful possibilities there is yet to come. Not all of my birthdays were happily spent, mind you. While I remember awesome celebrations of my youth like that costume party on my 7th birthday, and the unique “come-as-you-are”- themed debutante’s ball on my 18th, there were also great upheavals occurring on the eve of my natal day. There was the time I had to leave home and make it on my own, thereby cancelling a scheduled birthday party. There was a relationship break-up as well, that couldn’t have come at a more opportune occasion. There were also at least three (3) birthdays I had to be on the road for work. There was that time the Office sent me to La Union to conduct a Fact-Finding Investigation, another time I was sent to Region X for a KALAHI-CIDDS gender monitoring-exposure trip, and just last year, I was in Palawan to lecture on RA9994 to my dear senior citizens. At some point, the local officials took pity on me and threw me a bone. Then-FO X Regional Director Ester Versoza sent me to Camiguin island to cheer me up for my birthday in 2003, and the local social welfare officer of Puerto Princesa managed to arrange for us to visit the Underground River even if the tour was fully booked in May 2012. Every year, my physical body has several reminders for me too – a few more gray hairs on my head that needs to be dyed, that seeming proclivity for early bedtimes after skipping those late night outs, and that inevitable reliance on maintenance drugs to control my hypertension and high blood sugar. These are gentle reminders of our mortality and why we must make each day count before our final exit. I accept this with great humility as evidence of time passing. The amount of birthday greetings one receives is also a glaring proof of how many people you have met in this life and who actually remember you fondly. This is true even for your own family members and close friends. Your siblings and cousins may forget to greet you, but the one person you owe a tribute to is the woman who gave birth to you. I’ve known Moms who forget to greet their own child, but on my birthdays, the first person I always remember to call is my Mom. I always get her something to celebrate with – flowers or her favourite seafood goodies. So notice how my Facebook photos always features her every May 28th. And speaking of greetings, I have been fortunate to have “lived many lives” in my 40-something years. I treasure all the people I’ve met, all the places I’ve been to, and each and every life I’ve come to know. I marvel at how old classmates from high school re-surface just to greet me, how sorority sisters and fraternity brods from college who manage to re-connect with me after all these years, friends from law school who sneaked in a little time from their admittedly very busy work schedules for a short greeting. Know that like everyone else accumulating the years, when there is a seeming dearth of true friends, these bday greetings from all over the world are nevertheless deeply appreciated by yours-truly. For me, every birthday is living proof of life and love – how it touches and changes us. So never make it about just the years passing, remember to make it a celebration of life.

My "Jetsetting" 2012

In 2011, I complained about a hectic month of March which left me totally exhausted and in need of some rest & recreation. I spoke too soon, for my 2012 was just as busy, where each month was a whirlwind of travels addressing senior citizens concerns, solo parents amendments and LGBT issues. Not since 2006 did I get as much local and international trips. Unfortunately, these also came at the heels of a personal loss and an end of a relationship. My absence caused by all this running around was allegedly the cause of my break-up. But admittedly, just like before, I was probably just using my trips as an escape from my unhappy home. It began in March with a special invitation from a human rights colleague to join them in Geneva, Switzerland for the first ever United Nations Human Rights Council session tackling Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity (SOGI) issues or Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) rights. With the landmark report on the status of LGBTs around the world, both the UN Secretary-General Ban Ki Moon and UN High Commissioner on Human Rights Navi Pillay expressed full support for promoting and protecting the rights of LGBTs everywhere. Meanwhile, locally, I travelled to Calasiao, Pangasinan for a regional forum and assessment of Republic Act No. 9994 with the Senior Citizens Partylist congressional representative. This was to be followed by a visit to Tuguegarao City, Cagayan Valley in April where I experienced the hottest day in the year in the hottest place in the Philippines. But May was probably the craziest. I had a Bureau-wide Team-Building activity to start the month, a rushed Ilocos weekend with my Mom as is our wont every summer, before I headed for Sablayan, Occidental Mindoro for another Senior Citizens forum. I came back to Manila for Rainbow Rights Project’s 3-day Paralegal Training and then left again for Puerto Princesa, Palawan where I spent my 42nd birthday lecturing to another set of senior citizens. I never realized then how much of myself I was sacrificing already. That proved to be a crucial time, for when I came back again, I discovered my four and a half year old relationship was about to end. Although I was surprised, I did not feel too bad about the separation. It already took a long time coming and I considered my newfound freedom as a birthday gift. I promised myself I wouldn’t waste too much time, so I allowed myself to grieve for around a week and promised myself I’d start enjoying myself again. I opened myself up to possibilities, a chance to be happy once more. And it didn’t take long, because by the time I was on my next lecture engagement in Laguna for Region 4A’s seniors, I also had a new lovelife. Life goes on after all. By the end of June, I was excited to visit General Santos and Koronadal City for the first time. Although it was a week-long, fulltime, secretariat work for the DSWD Mid-year NMDC, I wanted to make the most of the experience. That week’s highlight was a taste of the “Pagana Maranao” ritual feast and trying out the highest zipline in the Philippines. At Lake Sebu, with a backdrop of several fantastic waterfalls, I took flight on one of the scariest ziplines for the sheer drop into one of the deepest gorges in the country. It was a “force of habot” - I always make it a point to make the most of my travels, After doing my official work, I always find time to enjoy myself. Work hard, play hard – that’s my motto. July entered with me leaving for Chiang Mai, Thailand to speak at an Asian regional women’s rights conference. It gave me a chance to reconnect with our women’s NGO networks and I bonded with some veteran women’s human rights defenders. I saw some Buddhist temples and got an authentic Thai Massage, before I rushed back to Manila so I can sneak in some quality time with my new partner, Toni in Iloilo and Guimaras island. That weekend was short but as sweet as the mangoes of that paradise isaland, Guimaras. I couldn’t bring myself to leave my new girlfriend just yet to give a talk in Albay, so I brought her with me to Legaspi City so she can also see the majestic Mt. Mayon. Difficult to mix one’s work with personal time, but sometimes we get lucky and manage to do so. While I originally planned for August to be somewhat of a respite, when I could finally move into a new place and adjust to a new homelife, more surprises were to come. Toni’s baby, Irene Venice arrived with her yaya as we settled into our rented house. But with new responsibilities in my personal life, there also came new assignments at work. A new sector was added unto my already full plate, the Solo Parents. But like always, it was a sector too close to home and hence, I felt a personal stake in it as well. I did back-to-back visits to Pampanga in Region 3, and to DSWD-NCR in Manila for Solo Parents Forum-Workshops, before closing the month with a return to Iloilo for another seniors talk AND solo parents forum. Before I knew it, I was going back to Geneva, Switzerland after getting accepted to a human rights and UN advocacy training programme. I finally got the chance to speak at a special panel-parallel activity on SOGI Those hectic 2 weeks was made worthwhile when I was able to see my nephew, Tudoy and his wife, Hani for a weekend site-seeing adventure. Unlike in March, I was finally able to go around and see Lake Geneva, the Swiss Alps, and do an Old Town Tour of Geneva’s ancient quarter. And even before I was over my jetlag, I was flying off to Tacloban and then to Bohol as soon as I arrived from Europe. The Solo Parents Forum-Workshops and Senior Citizens Regional Fora were still on-going after all. Ahh, no rest for those who toil. Yet about this time, I was beginning to feel a change in me. I wasn’t really too keen on going away on trips because I was missing Toni and Baby IV all the time. I promised myself I’ll bring them along if I can. The first week of October was again supposedly a rest period, with minimal participation in the annual Elderly Filipino Week celebrations. But I was “kidnapped” into attending a legislative advocacy workshop in Antipolo. Once again, I felt I was burning both ends of the candle, tiring myself out, when I could have spent the time better. As in Iloilo, Cagayan De Oro was a two-in-one official visit –with a regional forum for seniors and a forum-workshop on solo parents. It also gave me a chance to visit with old friends whom I promised to visit again come November. I skipped a river rafting adventure and settled for a simple spa massage in between my lectures. My body just couldn’t handle any more stress as it cried out its exhaustion. And while before I was always excited to go on trips, now I couldn’t wait to go home. I barely enjoyed that long Halloween weekend because I was sick, but I had to go off to Baguio for PDPB’s year-end assessment. In between that, I had to do one last Solo Parents Forum in San Fernando, La Union for Region 1. I managed to tag Toni along where she served as my “assistant”, operating my laptop for my powerpoint presentations. That was closely followed by a quick trip to Cagayan de Oro for a weekend forum on LGBT rights. Because of its proximity, I was able to visit one of my favourite islands – Camiguin. This was such a happy, relaxing time for me since I was with my GF, Toni and my good friends from Ladlad. As my Solo Parents duties came to a close, I took up my assigned areas for the Social Pension research project. I travelled to San Carlos City, Pangasinan where I went to conduct my first interviews with the social pension beneficiaries. I endured this because Toni came with me again, and she proved quite helpful with the interviews. So for my Loon, Bohol assignment, I dragged her along again. I noticed that by this time she’s already familiar with most of my talks, whether with senior citizens, solo parents or LGBT rights. Going on these trips with me exposed her to the work I do and helped her appreciate my work. By the time we went to Bacolod in December, I noticed the seniors actually prefer her and volunteer to be her interviewees. As the year slowly came to a close, I put myself on a timeline, and decided no more trips as the Christmas season approached. It was going to be purely family bonding and quality time. I still like going on my trips, but I find I have more fun if Toni tagged along with me. I see old places with new eyes and create memories with someone whose company I really enjoy. If she isn’t with me, I couldn’t wait to return home and be with her and baby. So now, I manage to keep my travels short, and insist that these trips are absolutely necessary before I embark on them. I also realized I have to rest and give my body a chance to recover. I am no spring chicken anymore, so I better slow down too.

For Ladlad

A few days ago someone tried to insult me by saying "Asa pa kayong pumasok ang Ladlad sa partylist...Wag na kayong mag-ambisyon..". Coming from a staff of another partylist whose own future looks very bleak, I simply took it with a grain of salt. At least I have faith in my own sector - the Filipino LGBT Community. I am not sure they still have the support of theirs. Watching them all these years, I learned a few valuable lessons as well. Firstly, mere membership or holding of an ID card doesnt mean you have their complete support...especially if it was forced down their throats for a fee. People will come to your side on their own, after being convinced of your sincerity to serve and the feasibility of your platform. It only happens when they know you are truly a member of your sector and are willing to work for the interests of everyone. Most of all, you must make them believe that you are not motivated by self-interest of ambition alone. So if you ever get lucky and managed to win a seat, never say "I don't owe you anything" knowing it's the national federation that got you the votes. For LGBTs like us, used to a hard life as we all are, we treasure a simple gesture of kindness, a welcoming smile, any sign of acceptance or approbation with no judgment whatsoever. I believe this attitude of humility and sense of gratitude is something our LADLAD nominees will bring with them when they get to Congress. I am reminded of one dedicated LADLAD coordinator in Region III, who during a typhoon rushed to save a LADLAD tarpaulin at the expense of his own safety in the rushing floodwaters. Finding out about his situation, Danton immediately sent some assistance to him. That is more than i can say for this partylist representative who didnt even personally visit the wake of a loyal member, especially since that member died while campaigning for him. I also remember how we all rallied to support our brothers and sisters in Baguio City when they were in the midst of the gay wedding controversy. I remember how we sent assistance to our Sendong-stricken brothers and sisters in Cagayan de Oro, in cash and in actual goods with the sense of urgency comparable only to DSWD. But be it narrow-minded councilors in Baguio or LGBT-friendly local legislators in Cebu and Davao, we send our LGBT voices over to them to express support and solidarity. And we are being HEARD, and being SEEN, all over the Philippines now. It is this national "fervor" we are now seeing in our Ladlad members and coordinators everywhere. Clearly, while I see their sector breaking up, other associations from other regions getting COMELEC accreditation to represent their sector, I see a consolidation of ours. Leaving behind varied political ideologies in the meantime, we have come together as one bright and colorful community under LADLAD. Yes, I dare to dream LADLAD will get a seat. Mabuhay ang LADLAD