I was speaking w/ my good friend, Astrud this morning and we both agreed that 2009 was a really difficult year. To have survived it at all is a feat in itself and a true cause for celebration.
On Hope
I was depressed around Xmas, but the minute January 1, 2010 crept in, I suddenly had an epiphany. (Ok, so it was actually 5 minutes before midnight, Jen was still in Makati and Hijo Mio was joining in the New Year racket with his barking.) I fell into a prayerful mood, took stock of my life, and still managed to be grateful for all that I had - and that includes acute laryngitis, bills to pay, and carry-over work from last year. But the promise of a new day, second chances and new opportunities made me quite hopeful.
On Staying Positive
The next day, I started two of my new year's resolutions - I went back to hearing mass and walking (for exercise) to our nearby parish. As a baptized Catholic, I always believed it was good practice to start your year right with a long conversation with God. After mass, as Jeni requested, I lit several candles for us. A white one, which for me symbolized faith and hope, a blue candle for inner peace and calm, a yellow one for joy and happiness, a pink candle for love and friendship, and a green one for an abundance of blessings - be it material wealth, loving people in my life or new doors opening for us. The positive feeling stayed with me and upon seeing a DSWD Undersecretary with me in church, I cheerfully greeted her a Happy New Year when I would normally scurry quickly out the door.
On Charity
At Puregold the next day, doing my grocery shopping, I had another resolution - to be more charitable and to give even when it hurts. I figured the poor folk begging in the streets were still worse off than I, who had a job albeit low-paying at that, a roof over my head, and people who cared enough for my welfare. If I was feeling sad about the measly bonuses government employees got, I could only imagine how these homeless and starving people celebrated their holiday season seeing the affluence of others around them.
On Work
Sunday, I asked Jeni for permission to do a little advocacy work w/ fellow LGBTs. We were finishing up with AngLadlad's petition to the Supreme Court and I was meeting up with some friends. Working through the holidays, I learned what true dedication was really about as volunteer lawyers labored over our petition, researched for legal sources to quote, and coordinated through numerous emails and text messages. I was reminded why we were doing this and for whom we were doing it - the Filipino LGBT Community's future fell upon us. We knew our type of advocacy was a thankless job, but its significance can never be emphasized enough. It, too, shall have some meaning and relevance somehow.
On Humility
Looking back at all the work I did throughout 2009, I was reminded of my own worth and significance. I realized how tiring it all was, travelling to and fro, doing back- to back lectures and talks. There were times I became cranky and belligerent, but it was always because of the effort of ensuring people take something away from my speeches. Partly, it was due to stress too and I realized I didnt need to be so tense. I knew the stuff I was talking about like the back of my hand, my materials were like my bible, and everything was already in my head that I shouldn't need to prepare at length...and this went for the stuff I wrote too. I could just relax and enjoy what I was doing. Moreover, I found that bosses comments and inputs did not undermine me at all. Their annotations and commentaries, whether actually helpful or stupid was no reflection on my abilities. So, I've decided to let them be smarter than me and just take the path of least resistance.
On Slowing Down
2009 ended with a bestfriend dying. My dog, Hannahgirl died after a mere 4 days at the vet. I was devasted because the end came too quick. Jeni and I were glad that we visited her everyday, and even took our mini pincher, Hijo Mio once. He got to say goodbye at least to his Ate Hannah. Still, we knew Xmas wouldn't be the same. Hannah already missed the Pride March w/ us. I had to admit, I was too busy in the weeks before to notice Hannah was already sick although Jeni was pointing out Hannah couldn't walk much. I was on trips and out for meetings all the time, even Jeni was complaining already.I should've spent more time with my "family" as Jeni insisted. But with both of us getting sick over the holidays, I managed to spend some quality time with Jeni and Mio. We cooked, ate, watched DVD and read together as we nursed each other back to health. I re-discovered the simple pleasures of being a homebody again. I totally enjoyed myself!
So here's to an easier life in 2010. Happy New Year!
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