As we come to almost the end of a funding season, R-Rights would like to take this opportunity to say thank you to our funder, Astraea Lesbian Foundation for Justice, and to all our partners who shared our big dream of having LGBT forums that are light and informal (ok, technically they are also about LGBT rights under criminal, civil, family, election, and labor laws but they were never boring). While the forums were rational, objective and informed, they were opportunities for fun, laughter, and inspiration as we also talked about our experiences and our successes as a community.
Its humble beginnings started with its “outing” on June 24, 2005 through a Round-Table Discussion on LGBT rights and Philippine Law at the University of the Philippines Center for Women Studies. After the discussion, R-Rights embarked on its Rainbow Exchange/Dyke Dialogue Series, with out-of-pocket funding and the kindness of friends.• DYKE DIALOGUES: OUR RIGHTS: Law 101 for LGBTs (24 June 2005)• DYKE DIALOGUES 2: Lesbian Identities and Relationship Dynamics (October 2007) • RAINBOW EXCHANGE: M2M: Living the Gay Life ( November 2007)• DYKE DIALOGUES 3: The Sex Talk (January 26, 2008)• REVISITING THE PINK CARD (May 2008)
From June 26, 2008, with funding support from the Astraea Lesbian Foundation for Justice, R-Rights sponsored the following forums: • WOMAN NONETHELESS: Being a Trans Female in the Philippines (August 30, 2008)• DYKE DIALOGUES 4: SEXUAL NEGOTIATIONS An Intimate Forum on the Politics of the Artistic and Erotic (September 13, 2008)• TRANS DIALOGUE : TRANSGENDERISM 101 (November 22, 2008) • DYKE DIALOGUES 5: Out-ing the Queer Identity (February 7, 2009)• UNEQUAL UNDER THE LAW: Transgenderism in the Philippines (March 10, 2009)• GIVING VOICE TO THE PINK VOTE: Election and Party List Representation Law for LGBTs (March 21, 2009)• DYKE DIALOGUES 6: Families of the Heart – Legal Protections for Lesbian Partners and their Children (April 18, 2009)• DYKE DIALOGUES CEBU SERIES: An Exclusive Encounter with Rainbow Rights (May 1-2, 2009) • DYKE DIALOGUES CAGAYAN DE ORO: PLUS (People Like Us Meets Rainbow Rights) (May 23, 2009)• FILIPINO LGB YOUTH AND SUICIDE RISK: Findings from a National Survey (June 20, 2009)• LEGAL RIGHTS AND SEXUALITY (July 27, 2009)
Astraea’s support made it possible for R-Rights to have forums that generate awareness within the community, bring LGBT rights advocacy to mainstream discourses, and give recognition and appreciation to resource persons, a practice that expresses a high regard for activism work. It allowed R-Rights to go beyond Metro Manila. It also empowered R-Rights to sustain its “Pink Peso” campaign. In this campaign, R-Rights gives back to the community by availing the services of LGBT-run and-owned businesses and service providers.
It has also given R-Rights an opportunity to strengthen alliances with other advocacy groups and tap valuable resource persons from within and outside our community. Here is a list of the groups and individuals that R-Rights has worked with in the forums:• Baguio Pride Network• Cebupride • CDO People Like Us • Cordillera Women’s Education, Action and Research Center• Living the L Word (Manila)• Lunduyan ng Sining (Cradle of the Arts) • Metropolitan Community Church (Quezon City, Baguio City, and Makati City)• Paralegal Volunteers Organization, College of Law, University of the Philippines • Pi Sigma Delta Sorority (Baguio)• Radar Pridewear Inc. • Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP)• Task Force Pride • University of the Philippines Film Institute • University of the Philippines (Baguio) Student Council• UP Babaylan* And Ladlad LGBT Party
To all of you who have helped us and trusted us, to all of you who attended our forums and shared your insights and knowledge, to all of you who were generous with your time, talent, and services, to all of you who have stepped up to serve as facilitators and resource speakers, THANK YOU. This is not a “salamat, paalam.” We are not saying goodbye. R-Rights has more fun activities coming with its August 29, 2009 self-defense workshop for lesbians, and bisexual and transgender women co-sponsored by Radar Pridewear and Defense Specialists Inc, and its legal rights and sexuality forum on September 19, 2009, with Metropolitan Community Church (Quezon City).
Thank you and see you soon!
With love from R-RIGHTS
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Why I Am
Even at a young age, I knew I was different. The minute I started questioning the way my father was treating my older sisters compared to my brothers, I knew I was asking for trouble. But I just couldn’t understand why my eldest sister was forced to participate in beauty pageants while the next oldest was made to provide regular entertainment with her Tahitian-Hawaiian hula dance numbers. On the other hand, my eldest brother was displayed by my Dad as the NSDB scholar from UP, the big-shot fraternity man. Worse of was my second oldest brother who was gay. He was treated as the “black-sheep”; a deep dark secret, the butt-of-jokes during family reunions. It didn’t matter that he was also in UP and very artistic. I was upset by this arrangement and from then on, I knew I was going to test the gender-divides I grew up with.
Curiously, I reached menarche quite early. A real tomboy when I was growing up, I was grief-stricken when I started getting my boobs at nine. But I felt the heavens fell on me when I got my period at ten. I was completely distraught while my Mom was ecstatic. She thought maybe then I’d give up my Superman dolls, boxing gloves and water pistols. But toys and play was the least of my problems. I started having attractions for my female classmates. Sure I too had crushes on Gabby Concepcion and William Martinez, as well as Andrew McCarthy and Rob Lowe. But there was no neighborhood boy I particularly liked even if I got my share of ogles and stares as I rode my bike around in my skimpy shorts. Boys just did not appeal to me as did the girls in my class.
My puberty stage was pure agony. I was scared and confused because everyone was telling me it was wrong to like another girl. The nuns at school told me it was a sin I had to confess each week before I take Communion. Family and friends said it was “abnormal” and I was afraid they would not like me anymore. I blamed it on the environment of an All-girls Catholic school. I hoped that it was all a phase; that upon being exposed to boys soon, I would turn ”normal”.
So all throughout elementary and high school, I concealed hidden affections for numerous classmates. I wrote them love letters and poems for their crushes and boyfriends, and they commented at how well I could capture their feelings even if I hadn’t experienced it myself. In this aspect, writing “saved” me and gave me an outlet. The self-denial and self-hate which almost destroyed my soul, was salvaged by reading books and writing. Diary entries were replete with secret longings even as I continued to write poetry for my classmates’ public consumption. I even accommodated them by writing erotic fiction which they read aloud in the classroom during breaks.
For college, I chose to go to UP Los Banos because I wanted a co-ed university. I also wanted to break away from my sheltered childhood. For the first time in my life, I had to learn to ride public transport, budget my own money for food, make sure I get myself to class on time. I totally loved the independence and it was college life just like in the movies – dorm life, org and frat parties. So I was finally “exposed” to guys and actually enjoyed the company of my Upsilon fraternity brothers. Some Agribusiness classmates also went as far as courting me after seeing in skirts and dresses (this was all for my initiation in Sigma Delta Phi and UP Agribusiness Society, of course). Yet I still did not find that emotional connection with any males.
At UPLB, I was a member of the Sigma Delta Phi Sorority, the best known Greek-letter organization for women on campus. We were considered the best of the best, scholars, athletes, and artists. Recruitment is by invitation only; no walk-in applicants and you have to pass an intense screening. I was used to having females around me all the time, and I was comfortable with my social circle. But when I became an officer of the sorority, I felt obliged to act like a “real” lady. I had to conduct myself like a true Sigma Deltan and wear skirts or dresses for formal meetings, even bring a date to sorority balls. To be honest, it was so stifling.
After college, with my degree in business, I became a Makati girl and went to work in skirts and heels. I actually lost weight in that get-up and even sprained my ankle a few times with just inch-high heels. Strangely, through it all, friends in college and even at work knew I was really gay. That is not to say, I had quite a few “affairs” with other women then, but nothing was definite.
A year later I went to law school. The study of law was really intense and it ate up my whole life for the next couple of years. So I cannot say much about it except that I studied like hell and that’s where I met my Ex, the love of my life. She was a classmate, a case-pool groupmate, a sorority sister in the UP Law Portia Sorority. When I filed an LOA when my father died, she was the only one who visited me regularly. Since I almost lost my penchant for law when my Dad died (he was an attorney too), getting back into the groove was quite difficult. But Ex was there and after I finally came out to myself at the age of twenty-five, she was still there.
It was not easy for us. We talked about it a lot. We considered what our sorority sisters and classmates would say. We were rational about everything, until we finally decided we would be brave about what we had. People once asked me when we stopped being friends. I told them, we never stopped being friends. It’s just that there became an added dimension of being lovers as well. (For more detailed info on me and my Ex, please get hold of Unveilings, a woman’s writings anthology by my writer’s group, Women in Bliss.)
Coming out as a couple made us join the LGBT Community. With our legal education, we were especially useful to our fellow LGBTs. We were both intelligent and articulate, so we automatically became poster-kids for same-sex partners. We gave interviews, spoke on radio and TV, and continued to remain active in the local LGBT organizations and networks. It was through this LGBT groups where we also had our connection with womens NGOs and became familiar with womens issues as well.
To date, I am the Founding President of Rainbow Rights Project (R-Rights), Inc., the Corporate Secretary of Lesbian Advocates Phils, the former Policy Advocacy and Research Coordinator of LAGABLAB, a novice of Order of St. Aelred, a religious group for LGBTs, and currently the National Treasurer of Ang Ladlad, the first LGBT group seeking partylist.accreditation.
Meanwhile, believing that my legal training has been put to good use already, I decided to return to an old passion which was writing. I enrolled at the CAL Graduate School for an MA in English Studies Major in Creative Writing. Since I was already working as a government lawyer, I have not been able to concentrate too much on my Masters. But I go to school now because I enjoy it and I try to learn things that really interest me. Which brings me to Women’s Studies, which is not exactly new to me because of my regular work for the DSWD and my involvement with women’s NGOs. Like everything else that has interested me, I believe I will be able to use whatever I learn here in my everyday life.
Curiously, I reached menarche quite early. A real tomboy when I was growing up, I was grief-stricken when I started getting my boobs at nine. But I felt the heavens fell on me when I got my period at ten. I was completely distraught while my Mom was ecstatic. She thought maybe then I’d give up my Superman dolls, boxing gloves and water pistols. But toys and play was the least of my problems. I started having attractions for my female classmates. Sure I too had crushes on Gabby Concepcion and William Martinez, as well as Andrew McCarthy and Rob Lowe. But there was no neighborhood boy I particularly liked even if I got my share of ogles and stares as I rode my bike around in my skimpy shorts. Boys just did not appeal to me as did the girls in my class.
My puberty stage was pure agony. I was scared and confused because everyone was telling me it was wrong to like another girl. The nuns at school told me it was a sin I had to confess each week before I take Communion. Family and friends said it was “abnormal” and I was afraid they would not like me anymore. I blamed it on the environment of an All-girls Catholic school. I hoped that it was all a phase; that upon being exposed to boys soon, I would turn ”normal”.
So all throughout elementary and high school, I concealed hidden affections for numerous classmates. I wrote them love letters and poems for their crushes and boyfriends, and they commented at how well I could capture their feelings even if I hadn’t experienced it myself. In this aspect, writing “saved” me and gave me an outlet. The self-denial and self-hate which almost destroyed my soul, was salvaged by reading books and writing. Diary entries were replete with secret longings even as I continued to write poetry for my classmates’ public consumption. I even accommodated them by writing erotic fiction which they read aloud in the classroom during breaks.
For college, I chose to go to UP Los Banos because I wanted a co-ed university. I also wanted to break away from my sheltered childhood. For the first time in my life, I had to learn to ride public transport, budget my own money for food, make sure I get myself to class on time. I totally loved the independence and it was college life just like in the movies – dorm life, org and frat parties. So I was finally “exposed” to guys and actually enjoyed the company of my Upsilon fraternity brothers. Some Agribusiness classmates also went as far as courting me after seeing in skirts and dresses (this was all for my initiation in Sigma Delta Phi and UP Agribusiness Society, of course). Yet I still did not find that emotional connection with any males.
At UPLB, I was a member of the Sigma Delta Phi Sorority, the best known Greek-letter organization for women on campus. We were considered the best of the best, scholars, athletes, and artists. Recruitment is by invitation only; no walk-in applicants and you have to pass an intense screening. I was used to having females around me all the time, and I was comfortable with my social circle. But when I became an officer of the sorority, I felt obliged to act like a “real” lady. I had to conduct myself like a true Sigma Deltan and wear skirts or dresses for formal meetings, even bring a date to sorority balls. To be honest, it was so stifling.
After college, with my degree in business, I became a Makati girl and went to work in skirts and heels. I actually lost weight in that get-up and even sprained my ankle a few times with just inch-high heels. Strangely, through it all, friends in college and even at work knew I was really gay. That is not to say, I had quite a few “affairs” with other women then, but nothing was definite.
A year later I went to law school. The study of law was really intense and it ate up my whole life for the next couple of years. So I cannot say much about it except that I studied like hell and that’s where I met my Ex, the love of my life. She was a classmate, a case-pool groupmate, a sorority sister in the UP Law Portia Sorority. When I filed an LOA when my father died, she was the only one who visited me regularly. Since I almost lost my penchant for law when my Dad died (he was an attorney too), getting back into the groove was quite difficult. But Ex was there and after I finally came out to myself at the age of twenty-five, she was still there.
It was not easy for us. We talked about it a lot. We considered what our sorority sisters and classmates would say. We were rational about everything, until we finally decided we would be brave about what we had. People once asked me when we stopped being friends. I told them, we never stopped being friends. It’s just that there became an added dimension of being lovers as well. (For more detailed info on me and my Ex, please get hold of Unveilings, a woman’s writings anthology by my writer’s group, Women in Bliss.)
Coming out as a couple made us join the LGBT Community. With our legal education, we were especially useful to our fellow LGBTs. We were both intelligent and articulate, so we automatically became poster-kids for same-sex partners. We gave interviews, spoke on radio and TV, and continued to remain active in the local LGBT organizations and networks. It was through this LGBT groups where we also had our connection with womens NGOs and became familiar with womens issues as well.
To date, I am the Founding President of Rainbow Rights Project (R-Rights), Inc., the Corporate Secretary of Lesbian Advocates Phils, the former Policy Advocacy and Research Coordinator of LAGABLAB, a novice of Order of St. Aelred, a religious group for LGBTs, and currently the National Treasurer of Ang Ladlad, the first LGBT group seeking partylist.accreditation.
Meanwhile, believing that my legal training has been put to good use already, I decided to return to an old passion which was writing. I enrolled at the CAL Graduate School for an MA in English Studies Major in Creative Writing. Since I was already working as a government lawyer, I have not been able to concentrate too much on my Masters. But I go to school now because I enjoy it and I try to learn things that really interest me. Which brings me to Women’s Studies, which is not exactly new to me because of my regular work for the DSWD and my involvement with women’s NGOs. Like everything else that has interested me, I believe I will be able to use whatever I learn here in my everyday life.
How To Love her
When she walks away from you mad [ Follow her ] When she stares at your mouth [ Kiss her ] When she pushes you or hits you [ Grab her and dont let go ] When she starts cussing at you [ Kiss her and tell her you love her ] When she's quiet [ Ask her what's wrong ] When she ignores you [ Give her your attention ] When she pulls away [ Pull her back ] When you see her at her worst [ Tell her she's beautiful ] When you see her start crying [Just hold her and dont say a word ] When you see her walking [ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ] When she's scared [ Protect her ] When she lays her head on your shoulder [ Tilt her head up and kiss her ] When she steals your favorite hat [ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night] When she teases you [ Tease her back and make her laugh ] When she doesnt answer for a long time [ reassure her that everything is okay ] When she looks at you with doubt [ Back yourself up ] When she says that she likes you [ she really does more than you could understand ] When she grabs at your hands [ Hold hers and play with her fingers ] When she bumps into you [ bump into her back and make her laugh ] When she tells you a secret [ keep it safe and untold ] When she looks at you in your eyes [ dont look away until she does ] When she misses you [ she's hurting inside ] When you break her heart [ the pain never really goes away ] When she says it's over [ she still wants you to be hers ] When she reposts this bulletin [ she wants you to read it ] - Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything. - When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go - When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her - because 10 yrs later she'll remember you - Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her - Call her before you sleep and after you wake up - Treat her like she's all that matters to you. - Tease her and let her tease you back. - Stay up all night with her when she's sick. - Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid. - Give her the world. - Let her wear your clothes. - When she's bored and sad, hang out with her. - Let her know she's important. - Kiss her in the pouring rain. - When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking, babe?" If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will : •Call you. •Kiss you. •Love you. •Text you.
My List
THE LIST
This was inspired by Libay’s list of minimum requirements for a partner. But she warned me about copying, so I am making my own version. Instead of a list of what I want from a GF, I am going to make a list of what I can give my potential partner.
Appreciation – Remember Billy Joel’s song, “Tell Her about It”? That’s exactly what I mean. I won’t cringe from telling her everyday how much I love her. She will know what she really means to me and I will let her know how much I appreciate her. Too often we wait to long before we let our partners know that they are valued and loved. By the time we realize we have been neglecting our partner, she’s long gone. I may be the busiest GF one can possibly have, but my partner will never feel I am not there for her.
Communication – My partner can come to me to talk about anything. The same way that I will go to her and tell her everything going on in my life, I wouldn’t want her to leave anything out. My attraction starts with communication and my relationship should be sustained by communication. The moment this stops, I believe our most intimate connection with each other will be lost as well. I am a Gemini, I need to talk about things, articulate stuff to make it clear in my head.
Honesty – This leads us to honesty. I am a chronic confessor; I feel compelled to be open about my life to my partner. As I pointed out before, I’d rather know about the painful truth that be kept in the dark. Even if it’s about a 3rd party, falling out of love, wanting to end the relationship..I’d rather hear it straight from her.
Trust – Honesty begets trust. I know this is something that is earned, and once lost can be difficult to regain. I made the mistake of losing this once and I had a hard time trusting myself too for some time. But it’s part of my own naivete that I am still too trusting for my own good. I am willing to give this, but it’s also something I expect in return.
Respect – This also goes both ways for us. I will respect my partner’s personal integrity and individuality; I will not “cramp her style”. She can have her own plans and dreams, pursue her own activities even if they are not shared interests. But I would appreciate it very much if we both make an effort to try and do those things together if possible. My respect for her also borders on the utmost pride I feel for having her as my GF.
Courage – I surprise myself each time of what I am capable of when I really am in love. My GF couldn’t imagine what I would be willing to do and sacrifice for her. The sense of security being in-love gives me makes me braver than I give myself credit for sometimes. I realized, with a most uncertain thing such as love, we still manage to have faith that the person we fall for is worth it.
Loyalty and Commitment – I am capable of monogamy and fidelity; my ten-year track record can prove this. Nothing makes me happier than being in a loving, committed, passionate and monogamous relationship. I absolutely love the idea of being “married”. I am not just after a GF; I want a life partner, someone I can actually grow old with.
Genuine Affection – I am not particularly the PDA kind, but I am very sweet. My “language of love” is translated into various ways and means - from cheesy love letters and mushy to poetry, to morning cups of coffee or breakfast in bed, and foot massages after a tiring day. She will know this from the way I touch her, the way I hold her hand or put my arm around her shoulder.
Intense Lovemaking – Forgive me for being too traditional, but sex does have a special meaning for me. I don’t engage in it and not end up giving something of myself. For me, making love is an almost “spiritual” experience. When I make love, it is the most intimate connection I can have with another person. This is why I am always in danger of “falling” when I go to bed with someone. But I am a generous lover, my partner will not be left wanting or unsatisfied because I usually put her needs first before mine.
Friendship – As I said before, my greatest happiness is being married to my best friend. I want my life partner to be my friend as well. I also don’t think partners should stop being “friends” the moment they become “lovers”. As they say, when time has passed, and hot, passionate sex is gone, you can at least still stay together for the companionship.
These are lessons learned from my past relationships. I thank my Ex-partners for these lessons that I had to learn the hard way. But my new GF will probably thank you for it now.
This was inspired by Libay’s list of minimum requirements for a partner. But she warned me about copying, so I am making my own version. Instead of a list of what I want from a GF, I am going to make a list of what I can give my potential partner.
Appreciation – Remember Billy Joel’s song, “Tell Her about It”? That’s exactly what I mean. I won’t cringe from telling her everyday how much I love her. She will know what she really means to me and I will let her know how much I appreciate her. Too often we wait to long before we let our partners know that they are valued and loved. By the time we realize we have been neglecting our partner, she’s long gone. I may be the busiest GF one can possibly have, but my partner will never feel I am not there for her.
Communication – My partner can come to me to talk about anything. The same way that I will go to her and tell her everything going on in my life, I wouldn’t want her to leave anything out. My attraction starts with communication and my relationship should be sustained by communication. The moment this stops, I believe our most intimate connection with each other will be lost as well. I am a Gemini, I need to talk about things, articulate stuff to make it clear in my head.
Honesty – This leads us to honesty. I am a chronic confessor; I feel compelled to be open about my life to my partner. As I pointed out before, I’d rather know about the painful truth that be kept in the dark. Even if it’s about a 3rd party, falling out of love, wanting to end the relationship..I’d rather hear it straight from her.
Trust – Honesty begets trust. I know this is something that is earned, and once lost can be difficult to regain. I made the mistake of losing this once and I had a hard time trusting myself too for some time. But it’s part of my own naivete that I am still too trusting for my own good. I am willing to give this, but it’s also something I expect in return.
Respect – This also goes both ways for us. I will respect my partner’s personal integrity and individuality; I will not “cramp her style”. She can have her own plans and dreams, pursue her own activities even if they are not shared interests. But I would appreciate it very much if we both make an effort to try and do those things together if possible. My respect for her also borders on the utmost pride I feel for having her as my GF.
Courage – I surprise myself each time of what I am capable of when I really am in love. My GF couldn’t imagine what I would be willing to do and sacrifice for her. The sense of security being in-love gives me makes me braver than I give myself credit for sometimes. I realized, with a most uncertain thing such as love, we still manage to have faith that the person we fall for is worth it.
Loyalty and Commitment – I am capable of monogamy and fidelity; my ten-year track record can prove this. Nothing makes me happier than being in a loving, committed, passionate and monogamous relationship. I absolutely love the idea of being “married”. I am not just after a GF; I want a life partner, someone I can actually grow old with.
Genuine Affection – I am not particularly the PDA kind, but I am very sweet. My “language of love” is translated into various ways and means - from cheesy love letters and mushy to poetry, to morning cups of coffee or breakfast in bed, and foot massages after a tiring day. She will know this from the way I touch her, the way I hold her hand or put my arm around her shoulder.
Intense Lovemaking – Forgive me for being too traditional, but sex does have a special meaning for me. I don’t engage in it and not end up giving something of myself. For me, making love is an almost “spiritual” experience. When I make love, it is the most intimate connection I can have with another person. This is why I am always in danger of “falling” when I go to bed with someone. But I am a generous lover, my partner will not be left wanting or unsatisfied because I usually put her needs first before mine.
Friendship – As I said before, my greatest happiness is being married to my best friend. I want my life partner to be my friend as well. I also don’t think partners should stop being “friends” the moment they become “lovers”. As they say, when time has passed, and hot, passionate sex is gone, you can at least still stay together for the companionship.
These are lessons learned from my past relationships. I thank my Ex-partners for these lessons that I had to learn the hard way. But my new GF will probably thank you for it now.
All about Love
All About LOVE...
When u think of ur past love, u may view it as a failure. But when u find a new love, u view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesnt really matter who won or who lost. What is important is u know when to hold on and when to let go! U know u really love someone when u want him or her to be happy even if his or her happiness means that u are not part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person u love doesnt love u back, dont be afraid to love someone else again, for u will never know unless u give it a try. u will never love a person u love unless u risk for love. Love strikes in hurting. If u dont get hurt, u dont learn how to love. Love doesnt hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test u, to help u grow. Dont find love, let love find u. That is why it is called falling in love because u dont force urself to fall. u just fall. U cannot finish a book without closing its chapters.If u want to go on, then u have to leave the past as u turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when u need to hold on and holding on when u need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. But dont ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw u the first time. To love is to risk rejection; to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is
When u think of ur past love, u may view it as a failure. But when u find a new love, u view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesnt really matter who won or who lost. What is important is u know when to hold on and when to let go! U know u really love someone when u want him or her to be happy even if his or her happiness means that u are not part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person u love doesnt love u back, dont be afraid to love someone else again, for u will never know unless u give it a try. u will never love a person u love unless u risk for love. Love strikes in hurting. If u dont get hurt, u dont learn how to love. Love doesnt hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test u, to help u grow. Dont find love, let love find u. That is why it is called falling in love because u dont force urself to fall. u just fall. U cannot finish a book without closing its chapters.If u want to go on, then u have to leave the past as u turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when u need to hold on and holding on when u need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. But dont ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw u the first time. To love is to risk rejection; to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is
Friday, August 21, 2009
Ambassador's "tribute"
After keeping us hanging for so long, a representative from DFA finally speaks up..albeit vaguely.
Expressions of sympathy still do not answer the call for justice. But this is still better than making no concrete statements at all..are you hearing this DSWD bosses?
INQUIRER.net 8/17/09
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia—The Filipino nation is privileged to have witnessed the worldwide outpouring of admiration for the recently departed former President Corazon C. Aquino. Such a phenomenon, which couldn’t be anything but spontaneous, somehow helps to assuage our own grief over that grievous loss.
It also reminds us that the selflessness that is ordinarily attributed only to the likes of Rizal, Bonifacio, Mabini, et al occurred not only in the past but is very much still with us now—if we only looked hard enough through the opaque veil of self-doubt and cynicism. Tita Cory provided just one fine example.
For us here at the Philippine embassy in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, we’ve had the added privilege of having worked with one other such hero, the late Social Welfare Attaché Finardo G. Cabilao.
Finard (as he asked to be called) was not, either in manner or speech, the swashbuckling type of hero at all; far from it.
Sitting next to him, you wouldn’t guess that upon those frail shoulders rested the fate—nay, the salvation—of many a Filipina victim of human trafficking here in Malaysia. For them, he helped arrange sanctuary from their tormentors; worked tirelessly on their legal problems, and helped to send them home upon resolution of their cases. Like the DSWD attachés who preceded him, he performed such deeds by the dozen; or even, it seemed at times, by the hundred. The record books of the Department of Social Welfare and Development Office in Zamboanga City, the usual re-entry point, should be filled with names of these Pinoy repatriate-refugees.
Finard was a familiar sight in Sarawak, in Sabah, and in the Federal Territory of Labuan nearby. After the huge fire that consumed an entire refugee village in Labuan, he was there with Consul General Renato Villa the very next day. He “worked the nightclub circuit” as an angel of mercy to those young women who, typically, were lured from otherwise honorable jobs back home with promises of the proverbial greener pastures abroad—but found themselves enmeshed in the flesh trade instead, with barely any hope for redemption. He wasn’t their customer; on the contrary, they were his “customers.” And, being customers, to him they were always right, never wrong.
As his co-worker who was responsible for him out here, I often had to restrain him from going too far in his advocacies or doing too much in his work for those distressed Filipinas. More than once, he pushed the envelope, risking his own safety or his status as a diplomat who was not expected to involve himself directly in domestic matters, though these may have been in joint pursuit of justice by local authorities. When reminded of this, he would invariably nod politely; but I was never really sure he shared my views on this.
Now he is gone—a very useful and productive life snuffed out in its prime—mere days short of his 50th birthday. We mourn his loss. Yet, as he himself would probably exhort us to, we must carry on with our work, looking after the well-being of Filipinos in Malaysia. There remains a steady stream of Finard’s erstwhile “customers.” And they are waiting for us who are still here to attend to them.
A little-known sidelight to the much-celebrated performances of the famed Bayanihan Dance Company in Kuala Lumpur last June is illustrative of his work ethic. Finard, who chaired the Committee on Food and Refreshments, went at it in such detail that the dancers never even came close to feeling thirsty, let alone getting hungry. He pre-arranged their meals and their baon during their bus rides. He went as far as to ensure a steady supply of bottled mineral water for the company members during rehearsals and performances—backstage, in the dressing rooms and, yes, on their bus.
In the end, Finard didn’t even get to sit down and enjoy the Bayanihan’s much-acclaimed Gala Performance that night of June 15th. When he was satisfied that all the members’ nutritional needs had been met, he quietly took a taxicab for the airport to catch a late-night flight to Sarawak state across the South China Sea—in order to assist yet another group of Filipinas in need.
That not-so-little act of self-denial was not unusual; it was classic Finardo Cabilao.So, there goes a true Filipino hero for these times.
The good news for our people is that there are still many civil servants like Finardo Cabilao around us, if we only looked hard enough. They need all the moral support and understanding from the Filipino public that they serve.
Meanwhile, paalam, Kasamang Finard
Expressions of sympathy still do not answer the call for justice. But this is still better than making no concrete statements at all..are you hearing this DSWD bosses?
INQUIRER.net 8/17/09
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia—The Filipino nation is privileged to have witnessed the worldwide outpouring of admiration for the recently departed former President Corazon C. Aquino. Such a phenomenon, which couldn’t be anything but spontaneous, somehow helps to assuage our own grief over that grievous loss.
It also reminds us that the selflessness that is ordinarily attributed only to the likes of Rizal, Bonifacio, Mabini, et al occurred not only in the past but is very much still with us now—if we only looked hard enough through the opaque veil of self-doubt and cynicism. Tita Cory provided just one fine example.
For us here at the Philippine embassy in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, we’ve had the added privilege of having worked with one other such hero, the late Social Welfare Attaché Finardo G. Cabilao.
Finard (as he asked to be called) was not, either in manner or speech, the swashbuckling type of hero at all; far from it.
Sitting next to him, you wouldn’t guess that upon those frail shoulders rested the fate—nay, the salvation—of many a Filipina victim of human trafficking here in Malaysia. For them, he helped arrange sanctuary from their tormentors; worked tirelessly on their legal problems, and helped to send them home upon resolution of their cases. Like the DSWD attachés who preceded him, he performed such deeds by the dozen; or even, it seemed at times, by the hundred. The record books of the Department of Social Welfare and Development Office in Zamboanga City, the usual re-entry point, should be filled with names of these Pinoy repatriate-refugees.
Finard was a familiar sight in Sarawak, in Sabah, and in the Federal Territory of Labuan nearby. After the huge fire that consumed an entire refugee village in Labuan, he was there with Consul General Renato Villa the very next day. He “worked the nightclub circuit” as an angel of mercy to those young women who, typically, were lured from otherwise honorable jobs back home with promises of the proverbial greener pastures abroad—but found themselves enmeshed in the flesh trade instead, with barely any hope for redemption. He wasn’t their customer; on the contrary, they were his “customers.” And, being customers, to him they were always right, never wrong.
As his co-worker who was responsible for him out here, I often had to restrain him from going too far in his advocacies or doing too much in his work for those distressed Filipinas. More than once, he pushed the envelope, risking his own safety or his status as a diplomat who was not expected to involve himself directly in domestic matters, though these may have been in joint pursuit of justice by local authorities. When reminded of this, he would invariably nod politely; but I was never really sure he shared my views on this.
Now he is gone—a very useful and productive life snuffed out in its prime—mere days short of his 50th birthday. We mourn his loss. Yet, as he himself would probably exhort us to, we must carry on with our work, looking after the well-being of Filipinos in Malaysia. There remains a steady stream of Finard’s erstwhile “customers.” And they are waiting for us who are still here to attend to them.
A little-known sidelight to the much-celebrated performances of the famed Bayanihan Dance Company in Kuala Lumpur last June is illustrative of his work ethic. Finard, who chaired the Committee on Food and Refreshments, went at it in such detail that the dancers never even came close to feeling thirsty, let alone getting hungry. He pre-arranged their meals and their baon during their bus rides. He went as far as to ensure a steady supply of bottled mineral water for the company members during rehearsals and performances—backstage, in the dressing rooms and, yes, on their bus.
In the end, Finard didn’t even get to sit down and enjoy the Bayanihan’s much-acclaimed Gala Performance that night of June 15th. When he was satisfied that all the members’ nutritional needs had been met, he quietly took a taxicab for the airport to catch a late-night flight to Sarawak state across the South China Sea—in order to assist yet another group of Filipinas in need.
That not-so-little act of self-denial was not unusual; it was classic Finardo Cabilao.So, there goes a true Filipino hero for these times.
The good news for our people is that there are still many civil servants like Finardo Cabilao around us, if we only looked hard enough. They need all the moral support and understanding from the Filipino public that they serve.
Meanwhile, paalam, Kasamang Finard
Human Trafficking in Asia
Dear friends,I would just like to share some information on the state of human trafficking in the region. Our social welfare attache in malaysia was brutally murdered last week. He is known among womens NGOs and migrant networks as an effective public servant who was instrumental in repatriating numerous Filipina victims of human trafficking. He was working on a several trafficking cases and was due to appear in court when he was killed. He even waived his diplomatic immunity since he was the only witness left against a big international trafficking syndicate. What is appalling is the impunity with which criminals simply do away with government employees who actually do their job and protect their fellow Filipinos, and the seeming apathy government officials regard their deaths.A STATEMENT ON THE DEATH OF A FELLOW PUBLIC SERVANTWe, the Social Welfare Employees Association of the Philippines (SWEAP), representing member rank and file employees of the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) nationwide, wish to express our deep shock, sorrow and condemnation over the violent killing of a fellow public servant, former DSWD Director Finardo G. Cabilao, social welfare attaché at the Philippine embassy in Kuala Lumpur.We extend our sincerest and most heartfelt condolences and sympathy to his wife, and his family; Director Cabilao has shown what it really means to serve the Filipino people. We salute him as another public servant hero and inspiration particularly for the social welfare and development sector.Before he died, Director Cabilao has been receiving death threats as he struggled to protect our countrymen/women against sex trafficking. He even went to the extent of giving up his diplomatic immunity to testify in a Malaysian court just to do so. We believe he was murdered because of this.We therefore call on our government, particularly our DSWD Secretary Esperanza I. Cabral and former DSWD Secretary and now President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, to take urgent and concrete steps to secure justice for Director Cabilao and his bereaved family.We also take this occasion to call for measures that would give greater security and protection to public servants here and abroad, particularly for social welfare and development workers who are exposed to various hazards and dangers because of the nature of their work.Together with fellow public servants and social welfare development workers, we cry:JUSTICE FOR CABILAO, JUSTICE FOR ALL PUBLIC SERVANTS!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Ladlad and Me
I thought I was the last to know about that article in the Philippine Daily Inquirer featuring my interview about Ladlad. Besides Libay and Bemz who posted it in multiply and facebook, respectively, a male friend from a regional human rights training institute posted it in our egroups as well. I was a little surprised, but was genuinely pleased to have done my bit for Ladlad in Baguio, even after all the politicking involved. After a week or so, my Mom confronted me about it last weekend. Apparently, one morning, a churchmate asked her if she had a child by my name. She said yes, that's my lawyer daughter..and this co-parishioner then preceeded to tell her about the "gays in congress" newsbit. She rushed home and asked the maids to look for the Monday issue of PDI. I am not sure how she reacted in front of her fellow parishioner, whether she was embarrassed or proud. But she cut out the news article and set it aside to show me when I visited.I guess my own family did not realize the extent of my LGBT advocacy work until now. They have known me to be a member of numerous organizations even while in college. But they never knew exactly what I do and who I really am among my peers and colleagues in the LGBT Community. That was until my own niece who is studying in Australia spoke of a fellow Filipino graduate student who allegedly knew me. She was speaking of Patrick of Ladlad and who hails from faraway Cebu. My niece told her Mom and the next day my older sister asked me if I was indeed Ladlad's national treasurer. Oh well...There is still much work to be done for Ladlad and my family might get the occasional surprise again soon. And wait till we get to Congress...heheheh :)
Baguio Interview
Gays trying harder to make it to Congress
By Desiree Caluza Inquirer Northern Luzon First Posted 02:52:00 06/29/2009
BAGUIO CITY—The group Ang Ladlad said Sunday it was working to remove the obstacles to its party-list accreditation so that Filipino gays and lesbians could win representation in Congress in next year’s polls. Lawyer Germaine Leonin, Ang Ladlad treasurer, said the Commission on Elections disqualified the group in 2007 on the grounds that it failed to prove it had a nationwide membership. “This year, we are doing the groundwork [to satisfy the] regional representation requirement. So we have been going [around the] provinces to enlist support from gay and lesbian groups,” said Leonin, who attended the Gay Pride march here on Sunday. She said Ang Ladlad members visited Cebu City, Cagayan de Oro City, General Santos City, Aklan and Zambales recently to organize chapters and strengthen their campaign for party-list accreditation. She said the group would submit to the Comelec documents and other materials to prove they have members in provinces all over the country. “(The Comelec) said we are not representing a marginalized sector. But we are representing 10 percent of the population,” Leonin said. The Comelec had rejected the group’s application for accreditation, saying that “reports from our field offices reveal that it doesn’t exist in most regions of the country.” Leonin said Ang Ladlad will push the Anti-Discrimination Bill that gives lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders (LGBT) equal rights and opportunities in employment as well as in schools, restaurants, hotels, entertainment centers and government offices. On Sunday, about 100 gays and lesbians marched down Session Road in this mountain city wearing costumes and carrying placards denouncing discrimination and homophobia. The march was organized by the Baguio Pride Network as part of international gay pride celebrations that commemorated the 1969 Stonewall riots in New York City. The riots were triggered by a police raid on a New York bar frequented by gays and lesbians.
By Desiree Caluza Inquirer Northern Luzon First Posted 02:52:00 06/29/2009
BAGUIO CITY—The group Ang Ladlad said Sunday it was working to remove the obstacles to its party-list accreditation so that Filipino gays and lesbians could win representation in Congress in next year’s polls. Lawyer Germaine Leonin, Ang Ladlad treasurer, said the Commission on Elections disqualified the group in 2007 on the grounds that it failed to prove it had a nationwide membership. “This year, we are doing the groundwork [to satisfy the] regional representation requirement. So we have been going [around the] provinces to enlist support from gay and lesbian groups,” said Leonin, who attended the Gay Pride march here on Sunday. She said Ang Ladlad members visited Cebu City, Cagayan de Oro City, General Santos City, Aklan and Zambales recently to organize chapters and strengthen their campaign for party-list accreditation. She said the group would submit to the Comelec documents and other materials to prove they have members in provinces all over the country. “(The Comelec) said we are not representing a marginalized sector. But we are representing 10 percent of the population,” Leonin said. The Comelec had rejected the group’s application for accreditation, saying that “reports from our field offices reveal that it doesn’t exist in most regions of the country.” Leonin said Ang Ladlad will push the Anti-Discrimination Bill that gives lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders (LGBT) equal rights and opportunities in employment as well as in schools, restaurants, hotels, entertainment centers and government offices. On Sunday, about 100 gays and lesbians marched down Session Road in this mountain city wearing costumes and carrying placards denouncing discrimination and homophobia. The march was organized by the Baguio Pride Network as part of international gay pride celebrations that commemorated the 1969 Stonewall riots in New York City. The riots were triggered by a police raid on a New York bar frequented by gays and lesbians.
R-Rights in the Beginning
With the various activities R-Rights held in the last few months, we have somehow gathered a loyal following who often wondered about our beginnings. Here's sharing the vision behind Rainbow Rights Project.
"Rainbow Rights Project proposes to be an innovation to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered (LGBT) advocacy in the Philippines. Instead of the usual “reactionary” nature of direct activism, R-Rights will be more “thoughtful” and will seek to be a purely intellectual endeavour. It will be geared towards knowledge production, separate from the political base of advocacy groups, and will be focused at developing ideas that will create major changes in the long run. While the Philippine LGBT Community has already succeeded in organizing the troops and galvanizing support from local LGBT members, increased visibility did not necessarily promote a singular, unified “voice” on certain matters. As such, in the midst of all the organizing, the “brains” of the movement, a long-term approach that focused on pure study was always lacking. There is a genuine, felt need for rigorous, analytical investigations of issues and an institution that will come up with quality research and unbiased reports on LGBT concerns. The idea is to come up with an academic “think tank”, a legal resource center dedicated to sexual orientation law and public policy. The vision will continue to be about eliminating discrimination and violence against LGBT members, but will utilize policy research and development, as well as legal reform, as concrete strategies to promote LGBT rights. The goal is to make daily conversations, or debates if you will, less shrill with high emotion and dramatic fervor, and instead be rational, objective, and more importantly, informed discussions on LGBT rights. It will aim to “internally” educate the ranks of the LGBT Community and to consolidate arguments and positions on different LGBT matters. As of now, no LGBT group or network has successfully organized a law-based project such as this. Similarly, no alternative lawyering NGO has established a legal resource institution devoted to this form of developmental law. Sexual Orientation law is virtually unheard of in the Philippine legal community and remains to be a vague concept among LGBT members. As such, there is clearly an unexplored territory which should be exploited to advance LGBT rights in the Philippines. For LGBT members or LGBT-friendly individuals with the proper legal training, this is also an opportunity to engage in meaningful and fulfilling legal work that will surely benefit the Filipino LGBT community."
(from the Concept Paper by Germaine in 2005)
"Rainbow Rights Project proposes to be an innovation to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered (LGBT) advocacy in the Philippines. Instead of the usual “reactionary” nature of direct activism, R-Rights will be more “thoughtful” and will seek to be a purely intellectual endeavour. It will be geared towards knowledge production, separate from the political base of advocacy groups, and will be focused at developing ideas that will create major changes in the long run. While the Philippine LGBT Community has already succeeded in organizing the troops and galvanizing support from local LGBT members, increased visibility did not necessarily promote a singular, unified “voice” on certain matters. As such, in the midst of all the organizing, the “brains” of the movement, a long-term approach that focused on pure study was always lacking. There is a genuine, felt need for rigorous, analytical investigations of issues and an institution that will come up with quality research and unbiased reports on LGBT concerns. The idea is to come up with an academic “think tank”, a legal resource center dedicated to sexual orientation law and public policy. The vision will continue to be about eliminating discrimination and violence against LGBT members, but will utilize policy research and development, as well as legal reform, as concrete strategies to promote LGBT rights. The goal is to make daily conversations, or debates if you will, less shrill with high emotion and dramatic fervor, and instead be rational, objective, and more importantly, informed discussions on LGBT rights. It will aim to “internally” educate the ranks of the LGBT Community and to consolidate arguments and positions on different LGBT matters. As of now, no LGBT group or network has successfully organized a law-based project such as this. Similarly, no alternative lawyering NGO has established a legal resource institution devoted to this form of developmental law. Sexual Orientation law is virtually unheard of in the Philippine legal community and remains to be a vague concept among LGBT members. As such, there is clearly an unexplored territory which should be exploited to advance LGBT rights in the Philippines. For LGBT members or LGBT-friendly individuals with the proper legal training, this is also an opportunity to engage in meaningful and fulfilling legal work that will surely benefit the Filipino LGBT community."
(from the Concept Paper by Germaine in 2005)